He’s Epiphunny. He’s the…
Vidiot
Week of January 6, 2011
Get ready for some in-your-faith comedy? First up…
Dinner for Schmucks
The best thing about inviting schmucks to dinner is that you can serve them breakfast and they’ll never grasp the irony.
However, the dolt in this rambunctious comedy may not even possess the smarts to make it to the meal.
After landing a Swiss mogul (David Walliams), the tenacious Tim (Paul Rudd) is finally recognized by the higher ups at his firm. Unfortunately that involves participating in their twisted games.
When his boss (Bruce Greenwood) orders him to invite a putz to a dinner where all of the executives can mock them, Tim abides.
But, by inviting an eccentric part-time taxidermist (Steve Carell) to the feast, Tim may have bitten off more than he can chew.
Despite its illustrious cast, this English remake of The Dinner Game fails to dish-out even one comedic morsel.
Furthermore, inviting idiots to a resplendent repast is a necessity – who’s going to wash the dishes? 0
Machete
Immigrants are employed in low-paying jobs because the enactment of child labour laws made it illegal for babies to drive you to the airport.
And while a child could fertilize your lawn, why not do as this satire suggests and get a Mexican to do it.
Left for dead by a drug czar (Steven Seagal), a betrayed Federale (Danny Trejo) is reborn as a Mexican folk hero.
Hell-bent on revenge, he partners with an ICE agent (Jessica Alba) and a radical (Michelle Rodriguez).
Together, they uncover a Mexican extradition scheme backed by a treacherous businessman (Jeff Fahey) and a xenophobic Senator (Robert De Niro).
The full-length feature of Robert Rodriguez’ movie trailer for Grind House, Machete exceeds expectations: the violence is visceral, the gore is grandiose and the message of dissent is delivered.
Ironically, by starring in a major motion picture, the Mexican lead has now become a myth himself. 0
The Last Exorcism
While demonic possession is a bad thing, having a constant body temperature of 198.6 degrees would cut your heating bill in half.
Unfortunately, the vessel for evil in this malevolent mockumentary may not even know she’s hosting the beast.
With a camera crew documenting his every move, former teen evangelist turned cynical charlatan Reverend Marcus (Patrick Fabian) embarks on his final exorcism.
Summoned to an isolated community where a girl (Ashley Bell) is possessed by the "Devil", the Reverend soon discovers she is actually pregnant.
With no boyfriend evident, the Reverend suspects that the girl may be the victim of incest; however, the truth behind her child’s conception is much more haunting.
Weaving a delicate mystery in amongst the standard shaky-cam scares, The Last Exorcism uses its low-budget logic to mastermind an unsettling stunner.
As for those who don’t believe in demonic possession – what do you think PMS is? 0
Case 39
The reason why demons prefer to inhabit females over males is probably because their hot flashes remind them of home.
And while the female in this horror-thriller hasn’t reached menopause yet, a demonic spirit does occupy her body.
When do-gooder, social worker, Emily (Renée Zellweger), accepts her 39th case, she is ecstatic to once again help a child in need.
Arriving at the Sullivan home, however, she is shocked to discover how blatant the abuse against 10-year-old Lillith (Jodelle Ferland) is.
Ordering the immediate detainment of the parents, Emily takes Lillith home with her. A gesture she later regrets when she learns Lillith is a demon that thrives on kindness.
Though the story is unbalanced and the acting tacky, Case 39 is salvageable thanks to its rare glimpses of demonic brilliance.
In fact, I hope this encourages social workers to leave those troubled kids alone and take home a meth-head instead. 0
Catfish
The best thing about Internet dating is that–as a guy–you don’t have to pay for anything.
Unfortunately, the online lothario in this handheld mockumentary does have to pay for food and gas, because he and his camera crew are going to meet his “girlfriend” for the first time.
After one of his photos appears in the newspaper, Nev (Yaniv Schulman) begins to receive paintings from an 8-year-old girl in Michigan.
Maintaining an online relationship with the child and her mother–who attests her daughter’s art sells for thousands of dollars–Nev is later introduced to the eldest: Megan. Enamored by her profile photo, Nev encourages a face-to-face meeting.
An examination of the social networking phenomenon and the human psyche that feeds it, Catfish is a movie that's deceptive and demeaning as well as heart-wrenchingly real.
That’s not to say that love can’t be found online. It can – but with yourself. 0
***Telephone Poltergeist***
Ghost in the Machine
The worst thing about being an online serial killer is that Internet users can leave comments about how “gay” your murders are.
Fortunately, the serial killer caught in cyberspace here can retaliate against such cowardly remarks.
When the Address Book Killer (Ted Marcoux) gets into an accident, he’s taken to the hospital. As his injured body lies inside of an MRI, an electrical storm causes his mind to be transferred into a nearby computer.
Able to continue carrying out his murderous rampage, by possessing electrical appliances, ABK targets Terry (Karen Allen) and the contacts in her little black book.
Now, her and her computer hacker friend must trick the killer into accepting a virus.
Although dated, and poorly acted, this 1993 horror movie has some interesting ideas when it comes to cyber-slayings.
As for how to spot an online serial killer – they’re the one who’s wearing someone else’s profile picture.
He's Turned Online. He's the...
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