He's a Sea Cucumber Sandwich. He’s the...
Vidiot
Week of March 29, 2018
Sea-monkeys may be the missing link. First up...
Aquaman
The best thing about being able to communicate with fish is
you can tell them not to swim up your urethra.
Conversely, the Atlantean in this fantasy is using his sway
over vertebrates to claim his throne.
Years after the queen of Atlantis (Nicole Kidman) was
banished for breeding with a land-dweller, her mixed-race offspring Arthur
(Jason Momoa) must prevent his half-brother (Patrick Wilson) from amalgamating
the seven underwater kingdoms and declaring war on the surface. But before he
can do that, Arthur and warrior woman Mera (Amber Heard) must first retrieve
the Trident of Neptune.
More action-adventure than superhero saga, this adaptation
of the DC Comics character is all style over substance, thanks to its
rudimentary plot, childish dialogue and corny villains. Nevertheless, there are
some amazing special effects and action scenes that redeem its lesser
quantities.
However, when you’re a water-based superhero your archenemy
will always be shrinkage. Yellow Light
Mary Poppins Return
The only time you really ever see your childhood nanny again
is when they are on trial for sexual assault charges.
Surprisingly, the caregiver in this fantasy has returned to
help a former patron who has hit hard times.
Left to rear his children after his wife’s death, Michael
Banks (Ben Whishaw) now lives in his family home with his sister Jane (Emily
Mortimer). But with no money coming in the family faces foreclosure.
Thankfully, help descends from the heavens in the form of the Banks’ former au
pair Mary Poppins (Emily Blunt), who, along with a lamplighter (Lin-Manuel
Miranda), distract the children from their hardships.
Disney’s unexpected sequel to its 1964 adaptation of the
children’s book pays ample tribute to the original by featuring animation and
live-action sequences, but tarnishes it with lackluster songs, a marathon
running-time and a sterner nursemaid than previous depicted.
Moreover, if Disney wants to modernize the beloved nanny
than Mary Poppins should really be Hispanic.
Yellow Light
***Putting on the Blitz***
Bedknobs and Broomsticks
The Allies never drafted superheroes during WWII for fear
Superman would be a Nazis sympathizer.
However, instead of superpowers, this fantasy supposes magic
was used to fend off the Axis.
During the Blitz, the Rawlins’ children are taken to an
English manor owned by Miss. Price (Angela Lansbury), a witch in-training who
wishes to use magic in the war effort. Unfortunately, her correspondence course
is cancelled before she can master the last spell. However, the headmaster of
the witch school (David Tomlinson) informs her that the medallion she needs is
on Naboombu, a mystical island populated by talking animals.
While this 1971 animated live-action Disney movie is very
similar to Mary Poppins, this composite of two children’s books is a tad darker
than the aforementioned caregiver thanks to its war torn setting and epic
award-winning special effects.
Conversely, the Americans also employed magicians during
WWII, but only for USO shows.
He's a Slight of Hand Grenade. He's the...
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