Be Kind, Please Rewind

He’s an Inner Beauty Pageant Contestant. He’s the…

Vidiot

Week of December 28, 2018

It’s what’s on the inside that matters to the coroner. First up…

Dumplin’

If you want to critic the way a woman’s body looks become a beauty pageant judge.

Unfortunately, the contestant in this comedy is adjudicated both on and off stage.

Raised by her Dolly Parton obsessed grandmother, plus-sized teenager Dumplin’ (Danielle Macdonald) is a big disappointment to her beauty queen mom, Rosie (Jennifer Aniston). So when her grandma dies, Dumplin’ shows her resentment towards Rosie by entering the teen beauty pageant that she is judging. But in order to get her body-positive message across, Dumplin’ needs some stage advise from her grandma’s friend, a Dolly Parton impersonator (Harold Perrineau). 

Netflix’s adaptation of the 2015 bestseller touches on some important social stigmas and features a toe-tapping Dolly laden soundtrack, however, the ham-fisted directing, low-production values and childish antics of the script diminish the message of inclusivity.

Incidentally, now that there’s diversity in beauty pageants we can finally see some hot 80-year-olds.  Red Light

White Boy Rick

Thanks to wild dog packs, the most popular drug in Detroit today is the rabies vaccine.

Fortunately, this crime-drama occurs when the Motor City’s drug of choice was crack.

Fourteen-year-old Rick Wershe Jr. (Richie Merritt) sells modified machine-guns to street-gangs for his father Richard Wershe Sr. (Matthew McConaughey). When the FBI (Jennifer Jason Leigh, Rory Cochrane) approaches Rick about becoming a drug informant for them, he agrees so long as it keeps his father out of prison. But Rick’s ratting on a kingpin (Jonathan Majors) costs him more than his dad.

The true story of the FBI’s youngest informant, this adaptation of Rick’s biography provides great insight into his home life and the state of the city in which he dwelled. Less lavish than most drug-dealer yarns, it’s the performances that keep this low-level crime story interesting.

Luckily, Detroit roadways are now in such disrepair that drive-by shootings are impossible.  Yellow Light

***Missed Universe***

Beautiful

Pregnant women don’t compete in Miss. America because the judges encourage abortion.

And while the contestant in this dramedy gave birth, she won't be rearing it.

When beauty pageant contestant Mona (Minnie Driver), Miss Illinois, gives birth she asks her friend Ruby (Joey Lauren Adams) to raise the child as hers so that she can continue competing in Miss. America competitions. But when Ruby is arrested, Mona must become a guardian to her estranged daughter (Hallie Eisenberg) who is unaware of their secret relationship. Haunted by her own abusive mother, Mona struggles to accept her parental responsibility.

While Mona’s actions were unsettling in 2000, today they’d be typical of any online parent. Bearing this in mind, Sally Field’s directorial debut may not be as implausible 18-years on. However, that still doesn’t make this a worthy comedy. 

Besides, everyone would know a pageant contestant was pregnant when the postpartum set in.

He’s a No Talent Scout. He’s the….

Vidiot