Be Kind, Please Rewind

He’s an Out of Workhorse. He’s the…

Vidiot

Week of July 7, 2017

Animal labour is cheap and delicious. First up…

 

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The Zookeeper’s Wife

The best part about having animals as your co-workers is that you can pet them during meetings.

Unfortunately, the only engagements in this drama are with Nazis.

Jan Żabiński (Johan Heldenbergh) is a predominate zoologist who maintains a menagerie in Warsaw with his wife Antonina (Jessica Chastain). When Hitler wants to resurrect extinct animals with help from his own zoologist, Dr. Lutz Heck (Daniel Brühl), the couple is obligated to open their zoo to the bizarre experiments.

Unbeknownst to herr doctor, however, the Żabińskis are harbouring Jewish families within the walls of the park.

While this true story of wartime charity is intriguing, this artistic adaptation of the bestseller doesn’t deliver the emotional gut-punch expected from a Holocaust movie. Sluggish, with a stereotypical SS villain and a fictitious love triangle, admission to this exhibit is regrettable.     

Incidentally, a delicatessen enclosure is a dead giveaway you’re harbouring Jews in your zoo.  Yellow Light

 

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Smurfs: The Lost Village

If the Smurf’s are looking for their descendants they should start with the Blue Man Group.

Unfortunately, in this animated film the azure imps are looking for Smurfette’s lineage.

As the only female in the village, Smurfette (Demi Lovato) is revered by her blue-skinned male kin, but baffled by her own existence.

Forged by the evil sorcerer Gargamel (Rainn Wilson) but swayed to good by Papa Smurf (Mandy Patinkin), she now leads Brainy (Danny Pudi), Clumsy (Jack McBrayer) and Hefty Smurf (Joe Manganiello) into the forbidden forest to find a lost tribe of female Smurfs (Julia Roberts, Ellie Kemper, Michelle Rodriguez) before Gargamel does.

Infused with low-level vocal talent, a puerile script and lackluster 3-D animation, this pointless reboot of the popular eighties cartoon languishes in mediocrity. While girl power is present, it’s eventually paired off with a male partner and dies.

And here everyone just thought Smurfette was a polygamist.  Red Light

***Blue Magic***

 

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The Smurfs and the Magic Flute

 

Earning money with a musical instrument is possible on the right subway platform.

Mind you, the musician in this animated movie is making money through magic.

When the king’s jester Peewit (Cameron Clarke) gets a hold of a magical flute that can make people spontaneously dance when played, he attracts the attention of a merchant McCreep (Mike Reynolds), who steals the wind instrument to rob villagers.

Now, Peewit and a knight’s squire named Johan must use a wizard’s spell in order to convene with the mystical blue-skinned forest creatures that first forged the flute if they hope to change McCreep’s tune.

Written and directed by the Smurf’s creator Peyo, this 1976 hand-drawn feature from Belgium set the standard of what would go on to become the 1980s Saturday morning cartoon phenomenon; mostly because it feels like three episodes pieced together.

Incidentally, when Smurf’s hear the magic flute played they turn rabid.

He’s a Breaking Wind Instrument. He’s the…

 Vidiot