Be Kind, Please Rewind

He’s Super Powered-Down. He’s the…

Vidiot

Week of June 30, 2017

With great powers comes get property damage. First up…

 

​

Power Rangers

The most important lesson Powers Rangers taught children was which colour represents which race.

Sadly, that useful education tool has been omitted from this fantasy.

When a disgraced quarterback (Dacre Montgomery), a troubled cheerleader (Naomi Scott), an autistic nerd (RJ Cyler), a lesbian loner (Becky G) and a momma’s boy (Ludi Lin) unearth ancient colour coded coins they gain unimaginable powers.

Aided by their new mentor (Bryan Cranston), his android (Bill Hader) and their vehicles that morph into a mega mecha, the quintet sets out to stop a former ranger (Elizabeth Banks) from finding the all-powerful Zeo Crystal.    

While this update of the Japanese super-hero kids’ show manages to represent all races and special interests, its inconstant tone keeps it from telling an engaging story. The lack of mega-sized monsters is also concerning.

Incidentally, the best way to keep colossal combatants off your building is to install massive bird spikes.  Red Light

 

​

CHIPS

Escaping from a motorcycle cop is as easy as jumping off the back of the bike at a red light.

Mind you, the officers in this comedy would just be lucky to make an arrest.

FBI agent Ponch (Michael Peña) goes undercover to expose corruption inside of California Highway Patrol after a rash of armoured car heists have gone unsolved by the department’s lieutenant  (Vincent D'Onofrio). Unfortunately, Ponch’s new partner (Dax Shepard) is a retired competition dirt bike racer with a serious painkiller addiction.

However, Ponch’s own secret sex addiction is also keeping him from concluding the investigation.

Based on the 1980s cop drama, this boilerplate buddy-comedy written and directed by Shepard falls far short of its intrepid inspiration. Marred by unfunny jokes, an obvious villain and over-the-top bike chases, CHIPS is more trash than tribute. 

Unfortunately, funerals for cops who ride motorcycles do require more than one coffin.  Red Light

***Morphin Addict***

 

​

Mighty Morphin Power Rangers: The Movie

When you manned a vehicle in the 1990s that fused together to become an enormous robot everyone just called you Voltron.

Luckily, this fantasy film assuages any similarities between the super robots.

When the witch Rita and her master Lord Zedd unearth an ancient egg, they unleash the purple despot Ivan Ooze (Paul Freeman) on Angel Grove: home of the Power Rangers (Amy Jo Johnson, Jason David Frank, David Yost)

Ooze promptly imprisons his evil benefactors before stripping the Power Rangers of their morphing abilities, and setting his own agenda on how to rule the Earth.

Not only does this feature-length version of the popular TV show feature the original Ranger line up, but also their inept high school tormenters: Bulk and Skull. Faithfull but with a cinematic edge, this adaptation provides more than adequate camp.

Besides, morphing into a giant robot only looks cool when both legs show up.

He’s in Bad Shapeshifting. He's the... 

Vidiot