Thursday, October 6, 2016

Be Kind, Please Rewind

He’s a Kindred Spiritualist. He’s the…

Vidiot

Week of October 7, 2016

The key to contacting the dead is gullibility. First up…

X-Men: Apocalypse

The worst part about being a mutant teenager is your nocturnal emissions melt the bed.

Ocular emissions are also a pubescent problem in this action/fantasy.

The world’s first mutant Apocalypse (Oscar Isaac) awakens in the eighties and hastily ensembles an army of mutants (Michael Fassbender, Olivia Munn, Alexandra Shipp, Ben Hardy) to help him enslave the multitudes.  

With Professor X’s (James McAvoy) mind breached, it’s up to a batch of new recruits (Tye Sheridan, Sophie Turner, Kodi Smit-McPhee, Lana Condor) led by Mystique (Jennifer Lawrence) to impede the ancient evil before it can use Xavier’s telepathy to subjugate human and mutant kind.

With a poorly designed villain perpetrating a predictable bid for world domination, this latest installment in the tepid franchise suffers from too many X-Men with too little character development between them. Meanwhile, the overblown action scenes feel contrived.   

Besides, according to the Bible: Jesus was the first mutant.  Red Light

 
The Purge: Election Year

If you really want the right to kill whomever you want with no consequence become a cop in the United States.

Ironically, all law enforcement gets the night off in this action-horror movie.

With the run for the White House in full swing, purge opponent and presidential hopeful Senator Roan (Elizabeth Mitchell) vows to stay out home during this year’s public culling to prove that she is for the people.

New Founding Fathers’ candidate (Kyle Secor), however, plans to use the night’s lawlessness to eliminate her. Now, Roan and her bodyguard (Frank Grillo) must stay one-step ahead.

More politically motivated than purge related, this second sequel in the anarchic series may be timely but its lampoon of modern day Republicans is too on the nose and less interesting than the mindless destruction happening outside.

Sadly, younger voters are more likely to stay home on Election Day than on Purge Day.  Red Light

 
 
Mike and Dave Need Wedding Dates

Bringing a date to a wedding is important because it keeps the groom from hitting on you.

Awkwardly, the groom in this comedy is their soon-to-be brother-in-law.

To avoid any embarrassment at the hands of their loser sons, Mike (Adam DeVine) and Dave’s (Zac Efron) parents order them to bring dates to their sister’s Hawaiian nuptials.

Placing an expense-paid offer online lands the boys national attention and two party girls (Aubrey Plaza, Anna Kendrick) posing as a teacher and a stockbroker.

During their prize-winning vacation, however, the bad girls drop their goody two-shoes guises and give the irresponsible brothers a run for their money.

A raunchy yet run-of-the-mill rom-com about unscrupulous characters saving the day in an unconventional way, Mike and Dave delivers a few decent laughs thanks to its male leads, but ends up just aping other wedding movies.

Moreover, a Hawaiian wedding is a great way to bankrupt all your closest friends.  Yellow Light

 ***Cult Members Jacket ***

 
The Devil You Say

When attending a satanic ritual be sure to bring an antacid for those spicy snacks they serve afterwards.

Mind you, the devil-worshippers in this mystery-thriller conduct their ceremonies sans canapés.

For the last several years, Sally McMillan (Susan Saint James), the wife of San Francisco police commissioner Mac (Rock Hudson), has received a creepy gift in the mail close to Halloween.

Sally and her sassy maid (Nancy Walker) thought nothing of the annual offerings until this year’s arrived: film footage of masked men performing a satanic ritual.

Mac and his partner (John Schuck) eventually uncover that the satanic sect (Werner Klemperer, Keenan Wynn) is staking Sally out for their next sacrament.

This 1973 Halloween-themed McMillan & Wife mystery movie of the week capitalizes on the cult/devil-worshipping fad of the seventies with over exaggeration and a slapdash script.

Besides, real Satan worshippers in the ‘70s wore make-up and played glam rock.

He’s a She-Devil Worshipper. He’s the…

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