He’s a Catacomb-over. He’s the…
Vidiot
Week of October 21, 2016
Remember to coat your home in PAM every
October. First up…
Alice Through the Looking Glass
The only place that you’ll be transported
to if you walk through a looking glass is the ICU.
However, meandering through one in this
fantasy will take you to another realm.
When her real world problems become
unbearable, Alice (Mia Wasikowska) escapes through a magical mirror into
Wonderland to visit her outlandish acquaintances.
Paramount is the Mad Hatter (Johnny Depp),
who has been despondent since losing his family to the Jabberwocky. To assuage
the addled Hatter, Alice swipes a gadget from Father Time (Sacha Baron Cohen)
and travels to the past to save them.
Lacking a reason to exist beyond financial
gains, this laughably loose adaptation of Lewis Carroll’s literary sequel
forges its own sloppy narrative about time-travel. Supported heavily by
hallucinogenic special effects and ham-fisted performances, this continuation
is simply a colorful cash grab.
Moreover, Alice would’ve been rich by now
if she’d only trademarked the phrase: Eat Me.
Red Light
Independence Day: Resurgence
The funny thing about 20-year reunions with
aliens that tried to invade Earth is that they’re all fat and bald now.
Unfortunately, the ones arriving in this
sci-fi adventure are a new species entirely.
On the twenty-year anniversary of Earth’s
eradication of occupying ETs, the planet’s visited by an altruistic race that
wants to evacuate the globe before its enemies return to extract the planet’s
molten core.
Now, it’s up to veterans (Jeff Goldblum,
Bill Pullman, Judd Hirsch) and neophytes (Liam Hemsworth, Jessie Usher Maika
Monroe) alike to work with the agreeable extraterrestrials to defeat this
threat.
Eighteen years too late, this highly
uncalled for continuation of the bygone blockbuster is a sad effort to cash-in
on nostalgic audiences. Regrettably, it does so with a convoluted and
incomplete script that diminishes the first, and embarrasses its self.
Incidentally, it’s inconsiderate of other
life forms to invade on our long weekends.
Red Light
Café Society
The best thing about being an old Hollywood
producer was you got to coerce some legendary talent into bed.
However, the bigwig in this romantic-comedy
prefers below-the–line lovers.
Bobby (Jesse Eisenberg) moves from NYC to
Hollywood to work with his talent agent uncle Phil (Steve Carell). Partnered
with Phil’s secretary Vonnie (Kristen Stewart), Bobby eventually falls for her
but is heartbroken to discover she is his uncle’s mistress.
Bobby returns home, marries Veronica (Blake
Lively) and opens a nightclub. But when his uncle and Vonnie show up one-night,
Bobby is inexplicably drawn to his step-aunt.
Conceived and constructed by Woody Allen,
Café Society is a charming meditation on extramarital affairs and the innocence
and unease of unrequited love. Set against the glitzy backdrop of the 1930s,
Allen’s latest effort is breezy – and somewhat biographical - but not ground
breaking.
Besides, when your uncle marries your crush
the best revenge is dating their daughter.
Yellow Light
***Stake and Potatoes***
I Married a Witch
The hardest part about marrying a witch is
getting her to wear a white wedding dress.
Luckily, the sorceress in this
romantic-comedy is open to other colors than black.
When the spirit of burnt witch, Jennifer
(Veronica Lake), is freed from the tree holding her captive, she's released on
Salem in the 1940s.
Eventually Jennifer encounters the
descendant of the puritan (Fredric March) she cursed to never find true love,
only to find him vying for governorship, and engaged to the daughter (Susan
Hayward) of his biggest financial supporter.
In a twist of fate, however, the
enchantress ends up falling for the candidate on the day of his wedding.
An old Hollywood romance with a dash of
Paganism, this amiable albeit naïve witch’s tale is surprisingly funny, but
poorly acted on the part of its stunning starlet.
Incidentally, when you divorce a witch
she’s entitled to half your life essence.
He’s an Unaware Wolf. He’s the…
Vidiot
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