He’s a Killjoy Stick. He’s the…
Vidiot
Week of October 30, 2015
Throw turtles at people in Mario
and Luigi costumes. First up…
Pixels
If modern video game characters ever came
to life much cooler avatars of everyone you know would overpopulate the world.
Fortunately, the sentient screen villains
in this comedy are only 8-Bit characters.
When Earth is attacked by an advanced race
of aliens based on archaic arcade games like, Centipede, Pac-Man and Donkey
Kong, the U.S. President (Kevin James) recruits his old school gamer friends
Sam (Adam Sandler) and Ludlow (Josh Gad) to the train Marines.
But when the noobs fail epically, the
Commander and Chief must strike a deal with the imprisoned player (Peter
Dinklage) who beat Sam in the 1982 World Championships.
While in the right hands this high-concept
throwback to the joystick days could have been a nostalgic romp, but instead it
has been curtailed by the brainless brand of bad 80s’ humour its producer Adam
Sandler embodies.
Incidentally, to defeat gamers simply stop
their supply of ADHA medication. Red Light
Southpaw
The reason left-handed people live shorter
lives than right-handed people is mainly due to stick shifts.
However, manual transmission is not even
close to the cause of death in this drama.
After the accidental shooting of his wife
(Rachel McAdams) at the hands of a rival boxer’s (Miguel Gomez) posse, World
Light Heavyweight champ Billy Hope (Jake Gyllenhaal) goes into a tailspin that
ultimately costs him custody of his daughter (Oona Laurence).
To get her back from The State, Billy
recruits a weathered trainer (Forest Whitaker) to whip him into shape for an
upcoming bout with the pugilist responsible for obliterating his world.
While Gyllenhaal draws you in with his
knockout performance as the struggling single dad, the training montages,
specialty punch and cantankerous coach cause this comeuppance tale to become
nothing more than a formulaic boxing movie.
Besides, I thought we vaccinated children
from getting left-handedness years ago.
Yellow Light
***Second Life Sentence***
Brainscan
The upside to murdering someone online is
not having to clean up all that blood afterwards.
Unfortunately, for the player in this
horror movie, his victims are appearing in reality.
A homebody since an accident, Michael
(Edward Furlong) has become a skilled gamer eager for new challenges, which he
finds in a hyper-realistic mail-order game.
Egged on by the games master Trickster (T.
Ryder Smith), Michael starts slaying online characters only to discover the
same killings have occurred in his neighborhood.
Stranger still, Trickster has escaped the
game and is ordering him to kill the girl-next-door (Amy Hargreaves).
While the first person perception of the
game play was ahead of its time for 1994, any prescience or innovation within
this thriller is irreparably damaged by the inclusion of the irritating
Trickster character.
Furthermore, if video game victims started
materializing there would be a ton of decapitated martial artists lying around.
He’s in 8-bits and Pieces. He’s the…
Vidiot
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