He’s a Gallows Humorist. He’s the…
Vidiot
Week of October 16, 2015
Public hangings had the best tailgate parties. First up…
The Gallows
Typically, it’s the audience that hangs themselves during a
high school play.
However, it’s a student swinging from their neck in this
horror movie.
On the 20th anniversary of an ill-fated play where a faulty
gallows prop claimed the life of teenager Charlie Grimille (Jesse Cross),
Beatrice High School decides to stage a repeat performance starring Reese
Houser (Reese Mishler) in Charlie’s infamous role.
The night before the performance, Reese, his co-star
(Pfeifer Brown), his friend Ryan (Ryan Shoos) and Ryan’s girlfriend (Cassidy
Gifford) break into the school to vandalize the set only to discover the legend
of Charlie is true - and he’s out for revenge.
Featuring the most nauseating found-footage in the fatigued
genre’s history, The Gallows also boasts a laughable villain, and one of
cinema’s most obnoxious characters in Ryan Shoos.
Besides, with all the school shootings nowadays, suicidal
teenagers never even get the chance to hang themselves anymore. Red Light
Tomorrowland
Walt Disney was an idealistic man who envisioned the not too
distant future as a technologically advanced utopia where the white race
reigned supreme.
Luckily for any minorities in this sci-fi movie, his
paradise didn’t quite go as planned.
When a prepubescent android (Raffey Cassidy) presents Casey
(Britt Robertson) with a pin that temporarily transports her to a science based
Shangri-La in a neighboring dimension, she yearns to return.
However, the only way to do that is to partner with an
exiled resident (George Clooney).
With his know-how, Casey not only gets back but also learns
from Tomorrowland’s erudite leader (Hugh Laurie) that her reality is in peril.
Imaginative and ambition, this adaptation of the Disney
theme park ride doesn’t skimp on special effects. But while it is visually
appealing, its cautionary screenplay is more akin to an ecological
guilt-trip.
Incidentally, Utopian societies designed by scientists have
absolutely no churches. Yellow Light
San Andreas
The good thing about California falling into the ocean is
all of its wild fires will finally be extinguished.
Mind you, the ruptured gas lines, like the ones in this
disaster movie, would likely cause more.
A seismologist (Paul Giamatti) testing his earthquake
detector at Hoover Dam is shocked to discover shifting tectonic plates under
the San Andreas Fault are causing a chain-reaction of 9.1 magnitude earthquakes
down the coast.
Meanwhile in L.A., an air rescue helicopter pilot (Dwayne
Johnson) and his estranged wife (Carla Gugino) fly to San Francisco to save
their daughter (Alexandra Daddario) who’s trapped in a parkade with her mom’s
new boyfriend (Ioan Gruffudd).
A commonplace catastrophe epic with jaw-dropping
destruction, mind-numbing dialogue and derivative characters, San Andreas
mirrors many of its contemporaries in the natural disaster genre but with
substandard results – save for the visual effects.
Thankfully, their breast implants will keep most
Californians afloat. Yellow Light
Dope
In the 1990's all you had to do to get the latest fashion
trends was shoot the person wearing the clothes you wanted.
Unfortunately, as this dramedy confirms, nowadays you have
to actually purchase your Air Jordans.
When a local pusher (A$AP Rocky) asks him for a favor, ‘90s
rap aficionado Malcolm (Shameik Moore) and his friends (Tony Revolori, Kiersey
Clemons) find themselves sitting on a backpack of MDMA belonging to a Harvard
alumnus (Roger Guenveur Smith).
Although Malcolm agrees to sell the powdered Molly for the
cultured kingpin, in exchange, he wants to be accepted into the Ivy League
university.
A satirical commentary on the limited career choices for
African American males, Dope is a smart and stylish coming-of-age anecdote with
notable cameos, an imposing soundtrack, and a charismatic young lead, that
never feels preachy or accusatory.
Incidentally, you only have to sell inhalants to get
accepted into Yale. Green Light
***Black from the Dead***
J.D’s Revenge
The best way to tell if you’ve been possessed by an African
American is if the police start arresting you for no reason.
Unfortunately for the victim in this horror movie, he’s
already black himself.
Sweet-talked into being the dupe for a hypnotist by his wife
(Joan Pringle), law student Ike (Glynn Turman) instead becomes the unwitting
vessel for the vengeful spirit of J.D. Walker (David McKnight), a New Orleans
street hustler murdered in the 1950s.
Adapting J.D’s mannerisms and flamboyant attire, Ike
unknowingly begins exacting revenge on Theotis Bliss (Fred Pinkard), the man
who killed J.D’s sister.
The only person standing in Ike/J.D’s way is Theotis’
brother, Reverend Elijah (Louis Gossett Jr.).
An intriguing fusion of Blaxploitation stereotypes and
horror movie sensibilities, this cult classic can be as gruesome and violent as
it can be campy and thrilling.
Incidentally, in the 1950s black ghosts weren’t allowed to
haunt white families.
He's Taking a Black Catnap. He’s the…
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