He's a Super Heroine Junkie. He’s the…
Vidiot
Week of October 2, 2015
Drugs are like temporary super-powers.
First up…
Avengers: Age of Ultron
The best way to defeat a machine that has
gone rogue is to tell it that its three-year warranty has expired.
Unfortunately, the android in this action
movie is too smart to self-destruct.
Brought to life by Iron Man (Robert Downey
Jr.) with data Hulk (Mark Ruffalo) downloaded from an infinity gem, Ultron
(James Spader) vows to destroy humanity.
To do that Ultron requires a multitude of
replicates, which could prove difficult as the other Avengers (Chris Evans,
Chris Hemsworth, Scarlett Johansson, Jeremy Renner) have assembled with three
new members (Aaron Taylor-Johnson, Elizabeth Olsen, Paul Bettany) to impede
him.
More convoluted than its predecessor, this
initial sequel stumbles out of the gate with questionable relationships, a
so-so villain and a climax that echoes the original.
Fortunately, the aforementioned won’t
affect the overall enjoyment for less pedantic fans.
Besides, if the Avengers don’t destroy them
the robots will take all our jobs. Green
Light
Poltergeist
If the spirits of the dead reside inside of
televisions then they’d better start paying half the cable bill.
However, the flat-screen phantoms in this
horror movie are more interested in watching you.
Shortly after the Bowens (Sam Rockwell,
Rosemarie DeWitt) and their children move into their new home they each begin
experiencing paranormal activity.
When the ghosts coax their youngest child
(Kennedi Clements) into an adjacent dimension, the Bowens seek the assistance
of a paranormal research team and a television ghost-hunter (Jared Harris) to
get her back.
An abridged remake of the influential
original, this non-frightening facsimile fits all the classic scenes into its
limited run-time, but never develops the characters enough to have anyone care
about their terror.
In fact, aping its predecessor is a
detriment to this mockery, reducing it to nothing but a boilerplate haunted
house movie.
Moreover, ghosts don’t even believe that
ghost-hunting shows are real. Red Light
entourage
The biggest difference between a television
show and a theatrical release is that the movie shows its 20-minutes of
commercials at the start.
Interestedly, this transitional comedy came
from a network without ads.
After he screens actor Vincent Chase’s
(Adrian Grenier) directorial debut, the son (Haley Joel Osment) of his
financier (Billy Bob Thornton) demands that studio head Ari Gold (Jeremy Piven)
cut Vincent’s brother Drama (Kevin Dillion) from the film.
Elsewhere, the other members of Vinny’s
retinue: Turtle (Jerry Ferrara) and E (Kevin Connolly), work on their
relationships with UFC fighter Ronda Rousey and a pregnant Sloan (Emmanuelle Chriqui)
respectively.
The cameo-laden feature-film adaption of
the cameo-laden HBO series, Entourage is merely an elongated episode, except
for the fact that the egos have grown, while the laughs and the show’s
likability have waned.
Besides, bringing friends to Hollywood is
dumb because now you have 3 coke habits to support. Red Light
***The Uncanny Valley Jamboree***
KISS Meets the Phantom of the Park
The reason robots cannot replace rock-stars
is because they would short-circuit from all the booze they’d have to consume.
Mind you, the musical machines in this
fantasy manage to make it on stage.
When funding for the automatons he
maintains around Magic Mountain is funnelled into a KISS concert instead, an
imbalanced inventor (Anthony Zerbe) unleashes his anger on the amusement park
in the form of a robotic Gene Simmons (Gene Simmons) that rampages the grounds.
He later replaces the rest of the
super-powered band: the optic-blasting Starchild (Paul Stanley), the
teleporting Space Ace (Ace Frehley) and the spring-heeled Catman (Peter Criss),
with android doubles designed to brainwash KISS fans.
Produced by Hanna-Barbera and aired on NBC
as a movie, this campy cult classic makes the campy character designs of KISS
seem even more cartoonish.
Besides, I don’t think a robot could be as
arrogant as Gene Simmons without imploding.
He's Phantom Limber. He's the...
Vidiot
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