Friday, October 23, 2015

Be Kind, Please Rewind

He’s Living Dead Tired. He’s the…

Vidiot

Week of October 23, 2015

Foodie zombies take pictures of brains before they eat them. First up….


Jurassic World

The great thing about Jurassic World is that the vegetarian dinosaurs have all been transferred to Euro Jurassic World.

In fact, the carnivorous reptilians populating this sci-fi adventure are designed to be even more ravenous.

With attendance waning, scientists at a living dinosaur destination use DNA from predatory dinosaurs to conceive a genetically altered apex predator to bring the crowds back to the remote island resort.

But when the hungry hybrid escapes its confines, the park’s operations manager (Bryce Dallas Howard) and her visiting nephews (Ty Simpkins, Nick Robinson) must rely on the resident Velociraptor wrangler (Chris Pratt) to outwit their astute stalker.

A return to form for the dormant DNA tampering franchise, what Jurassic World lacks in plot, character development and plausibility, it makes up for in rapid pacing, salient visual effects and nonstop thrills.

Incidentally, Jurassic World’s main competition will always be that genetically modified Creationist theme park.  Green Light

 

Paper Towns

The convenient thing about a town made out of paper is that it can easily be folded into a paper airplane and relocated.

Mind you, the mapmaking term is more of a metaphor in this mystery.

After an unexpected adventure with Margo (Cara Delevingne), the estranged neighbor he grew up but no longer talks to, high school senior Quentin (Nat Wolff) is stunned when she doesn’t come to school the next day, or the day after that.

Concerned over her disappearance, he and his friends (Austin Abrams, Justice Smith) conduct an investigation based on the cryptic clues she left behind.

Less than the soul stirring coming of age story it hopes to be, this aptly acted adaptation of the popular YA novel doesn’t cover any new gawky teen territory even with its missing persons premise.

Moreover, when teen girls stop coming to class it usually means they’re now teen moms.  Yellow Light

***Stillbirth Day***

 
The Dunwich Horror

When you birth a monster the C in C-Section stands for ‘clawed its way out’.

Mind you, the monstrosity in this horror movie is rumored to have been a stillbirth.

Years after his insane mother brought him and his malformed twin into this world, Wilbur (Dean Stockwell) appears on the Miskatonic University campus in search of the Necronomicon.

Hypnotizing a student (Sandra Dee), he not only gets her to hand over the magical textbook but to also accompany him back to Dunwich, Massachusetts, where he plans to use it and her in an occult ceremony to summon the otherworldly Old Ones to Earth.
               
Based on the H.P. Lovecraft short story, B-Movie producer Roger Corman’s low budget interpretation is not the best incarnation of the Outer Gods, but it’s not without its gothic charms.

Unfortunately, the crucifixes for these tentacled gods will require way more nails than they did before.

He’s Kraken Knuckles. He’s the…


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