Be Kind, Please Rewind

He’s a Holly & Ivy Leaguer. He’s the…

Vidiot

Week of December 24, 2014

Christmas is the only time men go to the mall. First up…

Tusk

The best part about being a walrus is that Sea World trainers are more focused on abusing the whales.

Mind you, Sea World looks like Heaven compared to the Hell this walrus must endure.

Brash podcast host Wallace (Justin Long) travels to Winnipeg to interview a viral-video star for his web series.

Unfortunately, the star committed suicide - leaving Wallace without a story.

Desperate, he answers a cryptic ad for a roommate.

Arriving at the remote mansion, Wallace is drugged and encased in a walrus suit constructed by his psychotic host (Michael Parks).

Based on his own podcast, writer/director Kevin Smith masterfully brings this aquatic nightmare to life in the film’s first half.

However, that fear fades in the ladder half when a badly disguised Johnny Depp masterfully fails as a French-Canadian detective.

Besides, how can Canada have a viral-video star when the country doesn’t even have the Internet? Yellow Light

The Skeleton Twins 

The upside to having a sibling is that you don’t have to wear your parent’s hand-me-downs.

However, the siblings in this drama are now adults who can buy their own clothes.

Moments before attempting suicide, Maggie (Kristen Wiig) is alerted to her brother Milo's (Bill Hader) suicide attempt.

Reunited after a decade, she invites him to stay with her and her husband (Luke Wilson) while he recovers.

On the mend, Milo confronts an old flame (Ty Burrell) that took advantage of him as a teen. 

Meanwhile, Maggie continues to sleep with strangers as a means of coping with her father’s death when her and Milo were kids.

A dysfunctional family drama with a serious sarcastic streak, The Skeleton Twins utilizes the comedic talents of both leads to bring life to these despondent characters. 

However, if you’re both going to kill yourselves, why not make it a murder/suicide? Green Light

***Nazis or Nice***

Elves

The favourite holiday song amongst skinheads everywhere has to be White Christmas.

Unfortunately, this horror movie doesn’t exactly detail the preferred Christmas carols of The Nazis Party.

When Kirsten’s (Julie Austin) blood inadvertently awakens a demented Christmas elf, she engages a decades old Nazis experiment that would see elf and Aryan blood mixed to create a master race.

Hiding out from her Neo-Nazis pursues in a department store, Kirsten receives help from the store’s Santa (Dan Haggerty), an ex-cop secretly living in the store.  

Now, the only way to stop the Christmas Elf from draining her blood is with the elf-stone, which is in the possession of Kirsten’s Nazis grandfather.

A festive pairing of fascism, demonism and commercialism, Elves’ is a seasonal treat crammed with ridiculous dialogue, campy special effects and incompetent acting.

Besides, if the Nazis were to combine elf and human blood together they would get Santa Claus.

He’s a Home Office Christmas Party. He’s the…

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