He’s a Hopeless Necromantic. He’s the…
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Week of March 22, 2012
Elf ears let everyone know you’re a Trekkie. First up…
The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey
The best thing about returning to Middle-earth is that you can call little people dwarves and not get sued for it.
But you will be required to join a harrowing campaign similar to the one in this Fantasy/Adventure.
Gandalf the Grey (Ian McKellen) tricks the lissome hobbit Bilbo (Martin Freeman) into helping nomadic dwarves - led by their displaced ruler (Richard Armitage) - reclaim the Lonely Mountain from an avarice dragon.
Before they can get to the scaly usurper, they must first contend with trolls, giants, elves, goblins, Orcs, a Necromancer, Gollum (Andy Serkis) and the White Council (Christopher Lee, Hugo Weaving, Cate Blanchett).
An ocular feast featuring new and familiar faces, this pulse-pounding Lord of the Rings prequel may be jocular but it’s as high a caliber an adventure as its successor.
Incidentally, the upside to traveling with hirsute dwarves is they never borrow your voltage converter for their electric shavers. 0
Zero Dark Thirty
Great, another American propaganda picture about a clandestine CIA mission to the Middle East that was in actuality accomplished by Canadians.
However, this spy-thriller affirms that hosers did not assassinate Osama bin Laden.
An expert on the al-Qaeda leader, CIA operative Maya (Jessica Chastain) is assigned to Pakistan where she joins a fellow agent (Jason Clarke) in torturing a man with suspected ties to the terrorist cell.
Following leads obtained under duress, Maya is led on a wild-goose chase that lasts years and involves underhanded tactics and attempts on her life.
In 2011, information as to bin Laden’s whereabouts is obtained and Navy SEALs are deployed.
An unbiased look at what it took to bring the most hated man in America to justice, Zero Dark Thirty is a gritty story with jarring revelations.
Furthermore, with bin Laden dead, America can repossess the arms they sold him in the ‘80s. 0
Les Misérables
The hardest part of vocal performance during a revolution is not confusing your musket for your pitch pipe.
Fortunately, perfect pitch is not a prerequisite for this musical.
Breaking parole to start anew, Jean Valjean (Hugh Jackman) assumes a new name and becomes the mayor of a village.
But when Valjean’s former prison guard (Russell Crowe) recognizes him, Valjean must flee; however, this time with the daughter of a deceased prostitute (Anne Hathaway).
When Cosette (Amanda Seyfried) matures, she becomes romantic with a revolutionist (Eddie Redmayne) that Valjean later saves the life of during an uprising.
Meanwhile, Valjean’s nemesis threatens to expose his sorted past to his adopted daughter.
Based on the musical inspired by Victor Hugo’s novel, this contemporary adaptation looks fastidious, but sounds amateurish, with only a few tolerable singers, and even fewer French accents.
Besides, the only thing that the French won’t rebel against is Nazis occupation. 0
This is 40
If no one ever turned 40-years-old than there would be no one to give all of those nauseating Over the Hill gag gifts to.
Thankfully, the over the hill humour in this comedy is quite astute.
The week Debbie (Leslie Mann) and her husband Pete (Paul Rudd) are set to celebrate their 40th birthdays, Debbie disavows her age.
Meanwhile, middle age finds Pete on the verge on bankruptcy after his label’s latest performer undersold and his father’s (Albert Brooks) financial dependency sucked him dry.
While Pete keeps their ruin from Debbie, she keeps her third pregnancy from him.
An honest and engaging glimpse at the emotions involved in the aging process, as well as that of matrimony, This is 40 is writer and director Judd Apatow’s most relevant and risible movie in recent years.
Incidentally, turning forty means you finally understand why your father abandoned you when he turned 40. 0
***Under a Bridge Too Far***
Trollhunter
The key to capturing a troll is to post heartfelt stories on the Internet and wait for them to post inflammatory and racist comments.
Outside of a cyber-space setting, however, a bear carcass will suffice.
While filming a documentary on Hans (Otto Jespersen), a supposed poacher, the film crew, Thomas (Glenn Erland Tosterud), Johanna (Johanna Mørck) and Kalle (Tomas Alf Larsen), learn that Hans is in fact stalking trolls, which apparently populate the Norwegian countryside.
Armed with UV-ray powered weapons and an atheistic belief in order to avoid trolls keen scent for Christian blood, the intrepid artists bare witness to Hans’ war against a wide-variety of Norway’s most noteworthy bridge-dwellers.
Comprised of found footage, this foreign fantasy is an unexpected gem. With a clandestine storyline, diverse and detailed character design, Trollhunter is an unanticipated but appreciated surprise.
However, a good rule of thumb is to not hunt anything that you can stand in the anus of.
He's a Cheez Wizard. He's the...
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