Vidiot
Week of March 15, 2012
Flare guns don’t save people, people save people. First up…
Life of Pi
The best thing about being on a lifeboat with a tiger is that by the end you’ll have an amazing Vegas magic act.
Surprisingly, the survivor in this drama isn’t practicing prestidigitation with his feral shipmate.
Pi (Irrfan Khan) recants for a writer his time on a dinghy with a menagerie.
Sailing with family (Tabu, Adil Hussain, Ayan Khan) from India to Winnipeg, Pi is set adrift on the Pacific Ocean with a zebra, a hyena, an orangutan and a Bengal tiger named Richard Parker.
Each animal finds its fate until only Pi and Richard remain. Forced to live in close confines, Pi must tame the tiger if he hopes to survive.
Based on the bestseller, Life of Pi is a multifaceted and compelling half-truth told with superlative F/X and innocuous spiritualism.
Incidentally, if Pi only knew the invigorating potency of crushed tiger bones, he could’ve speed rowed to shore. 0
Rise of the Guardians
Amalgamating Christmas, Easter and the Tooth Fairy sounds like the MDMA-induced wet dream of retail giants worldwide.
But before the icons in this animated-adventure can shill merchandise, they must save their target audience.
The Man in the Man resurrects Jack Frost (Chris Pine) from a frozen pond in order for him to help Santa Claus (Alec Baldwin), the Easter Bunny (Hugh Jackman), the Tooth Fairy and the Sandman stop the Bogeyman (Jude Law) from convincing children that the guardians don’t exist.
With the Tooth Fairy already fading, the guardians, along with a human boy (Dakota Goyo), paint eggs in a vain attempt to keep the Easter Bunny from evaporating from children’s imagination.
While an admirable attempt at assembling a make-believe brigade, Rise of the Guardians doesn’t have the charisma, character design or storyline to make a significant impact.
Furthermore, in reality, the guardians would be entirely comprised of doting parents. 0
***Lie of the Tiger***
Jungle Book
The upside to animals raising your child is that they are totally self-sufficient by the time they’re two.
Unfortunately, feral children only wear loincloths, like the one in this adventure.
Buldeo (Joseph Calleia) recants for a friend his time in the jungles of India with a boy named Mowgli (Sabu), who was raised by wolves after the tiger Shere Khan killed his father.
When Mowgli and Buldeo’s daughter (Patricia O'Rourke) return with a gold coin from a jungle treasure one day, Buldeo insists Mowgli take him to the hidden cache.
But when Mowgli refuses, Buldeo ignites the jungle.
Now, it’s up to Mowgli’s menagerie: a python, a black panther, a bear and elephants, to save his adopted village.
Loosely based on Rudyard Kipling’s omnibus, this skillfully shot Technicolor jungle tale from 1942 features real animals personifying the story’s psychological archetypes.
However, real jungle booty isn’t lost gold; it’s widespread deforestation.
He’s a Feral Children’s Entertainer. He’s the…
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