Vidiot
Week of December 7, 2012
Gumdrops don’t grow on trees. First up…
The Dark Knight Rises
You can tell a super-hero is aging when instead of a cape they shroud themselves in an electric blanket.
And while the vigilante in this action movie isn’t suffering bad circulation, he is looking hoary.
Decommissioned since the Dent Act ended organized crime, a weather-beaten Batman (Christian Bale) returns to protect Gotham from terrorist Bane (Tom Hardy) and his cat burglar (Selina Kyle) accomplice.
But Bane proves a bigger risk than anticipated. As a result, Batman is left to waste away in prison, while an old enemy’s agenda to annihilate Gotham is reengaged by his followers.
The final act of the Dark Knight trilogy, Rises reaches news heights of excellence: the story revisits a previous plot; the villains pose actual risk; and Bruce is tested unlike ever before.
And while Oldman Wayne doesn’t have any family, he sure has plenty of enemies that can drive him to his doctors appointments. 0
Hope Springs
The best thing about sex after the age of 60 is not having those sharp teeth to cut each with.
Unfortunately, the sexless couple in this romantic-comedy is too young for dentures.
Relegated to a chaste marriage with her stubborn husband Arnold (Tommy Lee Jones), the inexperienced Kay (Meryl Streep) decides to spice up their love life by enrolling them in marriage counseling.
Forced to spend a week with a therapist (Steve Carell) talking about his sexual history, Arnold becomes standoffish.
Assigned sex tasks, Kay and he must feign intimacy to rekindle their flame. But Arnold’s unease with contact and Kay’s innocence around oral makes for strange fellows.
Basically, a well-acted self-help video for seniors that are unfamiliar with modern lasciviousness, Hope Springs’ fourth an uncomfortable comedy with many sad truths about getting old.
Incidentally, one way to spice things up after 60 is to take a walk-in bath together. 0
The Odd Life of Timothy Green
One way to end the recessive baldness gene in your family is to adopt an orphan with a thick, full head of hair.
However, the couple in this fantasy got a son with more than hair growing out of him.
One night as they lament their inability to conceive, Cindy (Jennifer Garner) and Jim (Joel Edgerton) craft a list of the qualities their child would have, and bury it in the garden.
The next morning 10-year-old Timothy (CJ Adams) appears in their home, covered in mud, calling them mom and dad.
Instinctively, Cindy bathes the child, whereupon she discovers foliage sprouting from his shins.
That day fourth, Timothy’s true intentions are slowly revealed.
Although it’s well intentioned, The Odd Life of Timothy Green often slips into schmaltzy territory, thanks to the antics of the creepy childless couple.
Besides, who needs to wish for a child when there are baby boxes? 0
***Claus Enough***
Miracle on 34th Street
The highlight of Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade is always the giant inflatable balloons of NYC’s most recognizable crack-heads.
However, the crowds lining 34th Street in this family movie are here to see an attendee called Claus.
When her Santa shows up in the bag, parade coordinator, Doris (Maureen O'Hara) hires an elderly bystander, Kris (Edmund Gwenn), to stand in.
Kris is so convincing that Macy’s hires him for their store.
But after causing a stir with Macy’s competitor, and insisting that he is the real deal, Kris is put on trial.
Aided by Doris’ lawyer friend (John Payne), her skeptical daughter Susan (Natalie Wood) and the US Postal Service, Kris takes the stand as the authentic Santa Claus.
The quintessential Christmas tale of conviction, Miracle on 34th Street will renew your faith in the holidays and wish fulfillment.
However, in all honesty, Santa should be on trial for slave labour.
He’s Sugar Plum Loco. He’s the…
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