The Best of 2012

The Vidiot Reviews 

The Best of 2012

Comedy

Moonrise Kingdom

Boy Scout leaders are like surrogate fathers to boys growing up without a dad - except they molest you on camping trips.

Fortunately, the orphan in this romantic-comedy isn’t a member of the Boy Scouts.

When 12-year-old Khaki Scout Sam (Jared Gilman) goes AWOL from his summer camp on a New England island, his Scout Master (Edward Norton) and troop give chase.

Meanwhile, an island native, Suzy (Kara Hayward), escapes her troubled home life and rendezvous’ with her pen pal Sam, whom she met at a church play.

Elsewhere, the police (Bruce Willis), Suzy’s parents (Bill Murray, Frances McDormand) and Social Services (Tilda Swinton) search for the young lovers during a flash flood.

A preteen summer fling, Moonrise Kingdom is an instant eccentric classic crammed with director Wes Anderson’s trademark quirky cast, retro fashion and vinyl recordings.

Incidentally, statistics show that 95% of people who runaway from an island drown.

Horror

The Cabin in the Woods

When spending time at a cabin in the woods it’s important to remember the essentials: beers, babes and bone cutters.

Unfortunately, the co-eds in this horror-comedy only brought 2 of the 3 basics with them, so there'll be plenty of gangrene.

Dana (Kristen Connolly) and her friends (Chris Hemsworth, Anna Hutchison, Fran Kranz, Jesse Williams) decide to stay at a shack in the sticks owned by a distant relative.

After settling in, the group uncovers a stash of scripture in the cellar that, when read aloud, brings the dead to life.

While carnage ensues above, beneath the cottage is a clandestine control centre, where loquacious technicians (Richard Jenkins, Bradley Whitford) manipulate the group’s emotions.

An abnormal fabrication of screams and laughs, Cabin in the Woods infuses sci-fi with the slasher genre and toys with its archetypes.

However, the scariest thing about a cabin in the woods remains: no Internet. 

Sci-Fi

The Hunger Games

Any game that you have to play hungry is going to be a game with a lot of decapitations.

And while this sci-fi film isn’t about competing whilst hangry, it does have mounds of mutilations.

As retribution for a failed revolt, the president (Donald Sutherland) of a dystopian capital selects two children from each district and has them compete against each to the death.

Taking her sister’s place in this year’s games is Katniss (Jennifer Lawrence).

Along with her male equivalent (Josh Hutcherson), Katniss must learn to listen to her trainer/previous winner (Woody Harrelson) and stylist (Lenny Kravitz) if she hopes to sway the superficial fans and survive.

With a subversive script, an apt cast and an unconventional romance, this film adaptation of the teen-lit sensation has much more depth than others of its ilk.

Incidentally, if Hunger Game officials are anything like their Olympic counterparts they can be bought.

Action

The Avengers

The worst part of being on a super-team is the added expense of chipping-in for teammates birthday cakes.

Fortunately, the coworkers in this action movie are only at the preliminary stage of their squadron.

When Loki (Tom Hiddleston), the God of Mischief, bargains with an alien race, he is giving an army to conquer Earth with. In exchange, his partners desire an unimaginable power source.

The only thing stopping Loki from world domination is S.H.I.E.L.D. director Nick Fury’s (Samuel L. Jackson) Avengers Initiative, which is comprised of Earth’s mightiest beings: Iron Man (Robert Downey, Jr.), Captain America (Chris Evans), Thor (Chris Hemsworth), Hulk (Mark Ruffalo), Hawkeye (Jeremy Renner) and Black Widow (Scarlett Johansson).

With eye-popping action and fanboy playfulness, this live-action interpretation of Marvel Comics’ premiere super-team is a pop art masterpiece.

Furthermore, its message of teamwork is imperative since that’s what it takes to clean up after The Avengers.

Romance

Ruby Sparks

If men could write their perfect woman and have her appear, there would be a lot of illiterate males banging letter Xs.

Fortunately, the fingers behind the keys in this romantic dramedy belong to an adroit author.

When wunderkind novelist Calvin (Paul Dano) is incapable of creating a successor to his wildly successful first book, he inexplicably concocts his ideal woman, Ruby Sparks (Zoe Kazan), who appears to him in his dreams.

Inspired by his literary creation at first, Calvin gets concerned when he begins to see Ruby in real life.

But after learning that his typewriter controls her every whim, Calvin begins to manipulate her personality to fit his perception of his perfect woman.

Delineating the delicacies of the male psyche in all its obsessive, possessive glory, Ruby Sparks is a smart, subtle and sophisticated love story.

Incidentally, females writing their ideal man only need to type one word…rich. 

Animation

ParaNorman

The reason children can only see dead people is because when ghosts return they come back in the form of Pokémon.  

However, the minor medium in this animated movie doesn’t speak with dead grannies that resemble Squirtle.

When his weird uncle (John Goodman) passes away, he reappears to Norman (Kodi Smit-McPhee) as his translucent self, and leads him to a book of fairy tales.

Now Norman must quell an executed witch that has risen to get revenge on the townsfolk that put her on trial.

But before he can dispel her curse, he and his friends (Casey Affleck, Anna Kendrick, Tucker Albrizzi, Christopher Mintz-Plasse) must make waste of the living dead that have overrun their town.

Progressive yet retro, ParaNorman’s ghost/witch/zombie storyline not only contains remarkable stop-motion animation but a generous helping of relevant humour.  

Incidentally, if a ghost and a zombie ever got together they would make a human?

Thriller

The Bourne Legacy

The worst part of succeeding an assassin that just quit is that all of your victims will scream their codename when you kill them.

Fortunately, the murderer in this action movie is so swift his soubriquet won’t even touch his target’s lips.

Aaron (Jeremy Renner) is a government operative training up north when the classified gene enhancement programs that created him are publicized.

To conceal his tracks, Aaron’s boss (Edward Norton) orders all agents eradicated - as well as the scientists working on the chemicals that keep the killers calm.

Evading execution, Aaron and a surviving scientist (Rachel Weisz) search for the serum that will keep Aaron sane.

While it departs from the real-world ambiance of its predecessors, this 4th installment drops loads of Intel on the top-secret programs and dollops on heaps of action.

Incidentally, the child of an assassin and a scientist would use a microscope on their rifle. 

Drama

The Dark Knight Rises

You can tell a super-hero is aging when instead of a cape they shroud themselves in an electric blanket.

And while the vigilante in this action movie isn’t suffering bad circulation, he is looking hoary.

Decommissioned since the Dent Act ended organized crime, a weather-beaten Batman (Christian Bale) returns to protect Gotham from terrorist Bane (Tom Hardy) and his cat burglar (Selina Kyle) accomplice.

But Bane proves a bigger risk than anticipated. As a result, Batman is left to waste away in prison, while an old enemy’s agenda to annihilate Gotham is reengaged by his followers.

The final act of the Dark Knight trilogy, Rises reaches news heights of excellence: the story revisits a previous plot; the villains pose actual risk; and Bruce is tested unlike ever before.

And while Oldman Wayne doesn’t have any family, he sure has plenty of enemies that can drive him to his doctor’s appointments. 

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