Be Kind, Please Rewind

He’s a Family Tree Hugger. He’s the…

Vidiot

Week of October 5, 2012

If we could pick our families we’d all be orphans. First up…

Dark Shadows

The best thing about sharing a bathroom with a vampire is they don’t hog the mirror.

But as the family in this horror-comedy is about to find out, cohabiting with a vampire sucks.

Decades after being bound and buried, Barnabas Collins (Johnny Depp) is unleashed on the world of 1972.

Returning to his family estate, Barnabas finds it occupied by his dysfunctional descendants (Michelle Pfeiffer, Jonny Lee Miller, Chloë Grace Moretz, Gulliver McGrath), their psychiatrist (Helena Bonham Carter), porter (Jackie Earle Haley) and new nanny (Bella Heathcote), whom Barnabas swears is his lover reincarnated.

But the family reunion is short-lived as the witch (Eva Green) who cursed the Collins family returns for revenge.

An insulting adaptation of the gothic soap opera, Dark Shadows is not only damned with an underdeveloped script, but unlikable characters and a lack of focus.

Incidentally, unlike most houseguests, vampires don’t mind sleeping in the attic.  0  

People Like Us

Not knowing you have a sister until you’re a man means you don’t have much time to crash her slumber parties.

And while this drama isn’t about raiding a grown woman’s bedroom at night, it is about earth-shattering revelations.

It is not until his father dies that Sam (Chris Pine) learns he has a sister Frankie (Elizabeth Banks).

Bequeathed with $150,000 and tasked with presenting the windfall to his sibling’s son Josh (Michael Hall D'Addario), Sam leaves his girlfriend (Olivia Wilde) to stalk his sister.

Overtime he’s welcomed into their lives as a friend, but when Frankie learns he is her brother, she implodes.

Making the story all about the secret and dragging out its declaration until the obligatory separation/reconciliation, People Like Us is insubstantial.

Besides, the only way to tell if a stranger is your brother is to have a baby with them and see if it looks weird.  0

***Overextended Family***

The Addams Family

The paradox of being in a family is that you can give other family members advice, but since you’re family they won’t listen to it.

That happens to be the case in this comedy about an estranged uncle’s homecoming.

Decades after his brother Fester (Christopher Lloyd) departed over a disagreement, Gomez (Raúl Juliá) is overjoyed to have his brother back in his, his wife Morticia’s (Anjelica Huston) and their children’s, Pugsley (Jimmy Workman) and Wednesday’s (Christina Ricci), lives.

While a dead ringer of the long-lost brother-in-law, Fester is in fact part of a plan orchestrated by the Addams’ lawyer (Dan Hedaya) to fleece the well-heeled weirdos of their riches.

Based on the television series inspired by the comic strip, The Addams Family is aptly adapted in terms of kooky characters, ooky milieu and spooky humour.

However, living with any uncle means having your address on the National Sex Offender Registry.

He’s a Victim of Domestic Obtuse. He’s the…

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