He’s a Steam Punk Rocker. He’s the…
Vidiot
Week of March 23, 2012
My car runs off of my teakettle. First up…
The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo
Based on female tendencies, this tattoo could either be an explicit depiction of the mythical creature, or, an inspirational quote about a dragon written in some flowery font.
Thankfully, the inked gamine in this thriller opted for the optical option.
After he loses a libel case against a wealthy magnate, journalist Mikael Blomkvist (Daniel Craig) accepts an offer from Henrik Vanger (Christopher Plummer), patriarch of an enigmatic brood, to investigate his granddaughter’s disappearance 40 years ago.
In exchange Vanger promises the evidence Blomkvist needs to overturn the ruling.
Assisting Blomkvist in his analysis of the demented dynasty is a computer-hacking waif, Lisbeth Salander (Rooney Mara), who is being regularly molested by her state appointed guardian.
An unsettling stopover on Sweden’s seedy side, this David Fincher adaptation of the notorious novel is a hideous and hypnotic whodunit.
Incidentally, the easiest way for journalists to circumvent defamation lawsuits is to become bloggers. 0
The Muppets
The best thing about retro resurgence is that all the creative minds behind the original concepts are dead, so there’s no artistic control.
Fortunately, the felt covered franchise featured in this comedy found its self in reverential hands.
While on a trip to L.A. with his brother Gary (Jason Segel) and his girlfriend (Amy Adams), Walter (Peter Linz) overhears an oil baron Tex Richman (Chris Cooper) proclaim his plans to purchase Muppet Theater to drill for crude.
On informing Kermit the Frog, Walter, Gary and Mary are spirited away by the emerald amphibian on a cross-country excursion to roundup the old troupe and save the theater.
Though it does draw on plot points from previous Muppet films, this cameo-clustered concoction is an overall enjoyable treatment of Jim Henson’s indelible designs.
However, the real reason why oilmen despise artist-types so much is because performers can’t afford cars to fill with gas. 0
The Sitter
The best thing about hiring a teen to baby-sit nowadays is that they bring along their own children.
Unfortunately, no woman will allow the makeshift sitting in this comedy past third-base.
When his mom’s night out is threatened by her friend’s babysitter cancellation, slacker Noah (Jonah Hill) reluctantly volunteers.
But when his friend with benefits’ calls asking him to score cocaine, he loads his responsibilities (Max Records, Landry Bender, Kevin Hernandez) into a mini-van and embarks on a wild adventure that lands them on an imbalanced drug-dealer’s (Sam Rockwell) bad list.
With only hours to round-up $10,000 for the pusher, Noah and the kids must work together if they hope to make it home.
A reasonably raunchy-comedy with some amiable performances, it is The Sitter’s perfunctory plotline that proves its ultimate downfall.
Besides, wouldn’t it be a lot easier to just crush and snort the kids you’re baby-sitting’s ADHD medication? 0
Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy
No wonder there aren’t any jobs for anyone, this guy has them all.
Oops! Apparently this thriller isn’t about the ultimate moonlighter, but the code-names of operatives suspected of being a mole.
Asked to return to the department of British Intelligence known as The Circus following allegations one of the higher-ups is a Soviet spy, George Smiley (Gary Oldman) assembles a team to investigate every agent that retired after a bothced operation to purchase information from a Hungarian source.
As he delves further into the case, Smiley learns the true purpose of the mission and of the shadow of doubt cast upon him and his fellow agents (Colin Firth, Ciarán Hinds, Toby Jones).
A labyrinthine tale of Cold War intrigue, Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy’s accomplished cast makes up for the film’s challenging narrative.
As for a telltale sign that a spy could be a double agent: two parking passes. 0
Hop
Bunnies are so closely associated with Easter because rounding up the species during the spring cull is eerily similar to an Easter egg hunt.
And while a massacre isn’t threatening the conies in this animated movie, a rebellious rabbit is.
Shirking his duty to take-over as the Easter Bunny following his father’s (Hugh Laurie) retirement, E.B. (Russell Brand) absconds to America to become a famous drummer.
Pairing with the slacker (James Marsden) that hit him with his car, E.B. attempts to gain notoriety through a talent show hosted by David Hasselhoff.
Meanwhile, this year’s production of Easter treats is threatened when head-chick Carlos (Hank Azaria) leads a revolt against the rabbits.
While it is a vibrantly coloured outing, Hops’ lame cameos, sappy soundtrack, and racial charged subplot makes for an unremarkable movie.
Besides, there’s only enough room for one Easter story revolving around the wandering son of a mystical all-father. 0
***Walking on Easter Eggshells***
Here Comes Peter Cottontail
Peter Cottontail coming to town is cause for celebration since it means folks can finally apply acne astringents.
Unfortunately, the cotton-tailed cony in this animated-adventure isn’t coming to town to dispense cotton balls, swabs or pads.
When the Easter Bunny (Danny Kaye) announces his retirement, he also assigns his replacement, Peter Cottontail (Casey Kasem).
But Peter’s ascension to the position is endangered by January Q. Irontail (Vincent Price), a bitter old bunny that blames the loss of his fluffy tail on children, whom he wishes to disappoint by ruining Easter for them.
To do so, Irontail challenges Peter to a competition to deliver the most eggs on Easter morning.
Rankin-Bass’ stop-motion adaptation of the popular book series and song, Here Comes Peter Cottontail is a brightly hued hidden holiday gem.
Besides, if you really want rapid egg distribution just give a carton of eggs to a gang of 12-year-old boys.
He's a Chocolate Barbarian. He's the...
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