He’s Archangel Hair Pasta. He’s the…
Vidiot
Week of March 9, 2012
Earth is the Gods' E! channel. First up…
Immortals
If an eternal race of beings is on Earth right now, they had better be paying, like, quadruple the taxes that mortals are.
Unfortunately, this fantasy film focuses more on the facet of Immortal warfare than it does their taxes.
In search of a bow that will unleash the Titans, thus exacting his revenge on the Gods who spurned his family, Hyperion (Mickey Rourke) and his Immortals rampage the countryside.
In one village, Hyperion comes across a worthy warrior Theseus (Henry Cavill), whom he takes captive.
Later, when Theseus and his cellmate (Stephen Dorff) escape, they–along with a soothsayer (Freida Pinto) who knows the bow’s location–embark on journey to find it.
Though a visually stunning version of a myriad of myths, Immortals’ narrative, regrettably, doesn’t have the same impact.
Besides, if Greek Gods exist, one of ‘em better take the form of a trillion-dollar-bill and bail out Greece. 0
Jack and Jill
If people don’t know that you have a twin sister, and they see her walking around in a dress, as a man, they'll just assume that you’re a cross-dresser.
Fortunately, the fraternal twins in this comedy live in different cities.
When Jack’s (Adam Sandler) annoying twin sister Jill (Adam Sandler) comes to visit him and his wife (Katie Holmes) for Thanksgiving, her needy nature drives him crazy.
After unsuccessfully exporting her home after the holidays, Jack pawns her off on online dates.
When that fails, he decides to exploit the attraction that Al Pacino has towards his sister, in hopes of landing the actor for an ad campaign.
An audacious attempt at doing drag, Adam Sandler has reached an unprecedented new low in his career with this immature mess.
Incidentally, for a guy, the worst part of being linked to a twin sister is experiencing her menstrual cramps every cycle. 0
Footloose
If your foot is loose, you may have leprosy. If you have leprosy, dancing could cause your foot to fly off and kick someone in the face.
Fortunately, the limbs of the youngsters in this drama have been checked for lesions.
When his mother dies, Ren (Kenny Wormald) moves to a small-town to live with his relatives.
Unfamiliar with the town’s ban on dancing, Ren runs afoul of the reverend (Dennis Quaid), whose son was killed in a car crash after an unsanctioned soirée, and whose daughter (Julianne Hough) Ren can’t stop thinking about.
Intent on cutting a rug, Ren and the teens of the totalitarian township team up to lift the draconian dance laws.
Though it never strays from the original’s shadow, this shot-for-shot remake does do an admirable job of including soundtrack standouts.
Besides, if God didn’t want us to dance, why would he give us booties? 0
***Par for the Chorus***
Shout
Rock n’ Roll has been associated with sin ever since the white man stole the sound from African-American musicians.
And while the music teacher in this drama isn’t intent on co-opting black culture, he is intent on using the up-beat arrangements to inspire his students.
On the lam from police, harmonica-player Jack (John Travolta) holes up in an all-boys school, where he lands a gig teaching marching progressions.
A rebel-at-heart, however, Jack tutors his students (James Walters, Scott Coffey, Glenn Quinn) on a new rhythm that’s sweeping the nation.
Meanwhile, the pious principal (Richard Jordan) is displeased with Jack’s teaching of the devil’s music as well as one student’s intentions towards his daughter (Heather Graham).
A cheesy teen revolt against the puritanical beliefs that plague a small-town, Shout is as seditious as it is silly.
Besides, playing Rock n’ Roll won't conjure up demons until you play it backwards.
He’s Sock Hopped-up. He’s the…
Vidiot
No comments:
Post a Comment