Be Kind, Please Rewind

He’s iphoning it in. He’s the…

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Week of February 25, 2012

How do I get an alibi app? First up…

J. Edgar

Finally! We get a respectful biography of one of the true pioneers of powerful upright suckage.

Oops! Apparently, the man in this drama is based on the FBI director and not the vacuum magnate with whom he shares a last name.

With a scribe (Ed Westwick) to record the truth as he saw it, Hoover (Leonardo DiCaprio) recounts his most memorable moments, from the kidnapping of Lindbergh’s (Josh Lucas) baby to the arrests of the era’s most infamous bank robbers.

Amid his ramblings, Hoover also touches upon his personal relationships with his mother (Judi Dench), his secretary (Naomi Watts) and his rumoured life-partner Clyde Tolson (Armie Hammer).

While director Clint Eastwood masterfully captures the indelible events of the conceited crime-fighter’s career, his handling of the narrative and the make-up is simply amateurish.

And here we all thought the acronym pertained to females, when all along FBI meant: Firm Boner Inspector.  0

Tower Heist

When stealing skyscrapers it’s important to plot escape routes through the city that don’t involve driving through tunnels or beneath under passes.

Fortunately, the burglars behind the high-rise heist in this comedy aren’t taking the tower but what’s inside it.

When the building manager of a high-end apartment, Josh (Ben Stiller), learns that his wealthiest resident (Alan Alda) has been charged with fraud, he must tell his employees (Casey Affleck, Gabourey Sidibe, Michael Peña) he invested their pension with the accused, and now it’s gone.

Racked with guilt, he rounds up other desperate men (Eddie Murphy, Matthew Broderick) to help him crack the swindler’s safe.

A moderate return to form for Eddie Murphy, as well as a timely plotline, Tower Heist manages to convert a trite storyline into a mid-grade comedy.

Incidentally, having thieves running around your apartment is less annoying than someone letting Jehovah’s Witnesses in to the building.  0

***The French Connection***

Bande à part

Criminals come in many forms. But to be successful it’s important that you commit crimes with fake tattoos, a noticeable limp, and an Irish accent.

Unfortunately, the thieves in this heist movie decided to go with their native French tongue.

Taking an English class together, three disfranchised Parisian youths, Odile (Anna Karina), Arthur (Claude Brasseur) and Franz (Sami Frey), decide to fleece a houseguest of Odile’s aunt of his fortune.

Attracted to Odile, both Arthur and Franz agree to the heist; however, their plan is expedited after Arthur’s uncle gets wind of the available cash.

Forced to rob the visitor at once, the trio’s simple plan becomes a problematic bloodbath.

A subtle stick’em up, imbued with director Jean-Luc Godard’s New Wave vision, Bande à part is an unconventional love story amid an unprofessional heist.

Besides, don’t French robbers have a reputation of surrendering their arms if you saw you’re German?

He’s an Information Superhighwayman. He’s the…

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