He’s Quote Unquotable. He’s the…
Vidiot
Week of February 3, 2012
Always be impaired. First up…
Drive
As a getaway driver, it’s vitally important to remember to always bring an empty bottle along to urinate in to while you wait.
However, to avoid the cumbersomeness of carrying a pee jar, the wheelman in this drama instead has a 5-minute waiting rule.
When an introverted getaway driver (Ryan Gosling) falls for his neighbour (Carey Mulligan), he must also serve as surrogate father to her son.
But when her husband returns, the driver must then use his talents to assist him with a job that will settle the debts he accumulated while in prison.
Unfortunately, it’s a set-up, and the driver is left holding the moneybag belonging to an overzealous gangster (Ron Perlman).
A reserved romance, fuel-injected with revs of unbridled violence, Drive elegantly traverses the line separating foreign from domestic storytelling sensibilities.
However, if this were truly a European film then the driver would have to be intoxicated. 0
The Thing
Finally, they’ve made a movie about that indescribable object that you forever need pushed, turned or passed to you.
Oops! Apparently, the thing in this horror movie is an alien, and not that thing with those thingies on it.
When a research team uncovers a spacecraft beneath Antarctica’s terrain, a paleontologist, Kate (Mary Elizabeth Winstead), is hired to examine the frozen entity found near the wreckage.
Arriving in the remote region, Kate, her pilots (Joel Edgerton, Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje) and the research team find themselves stalked by the thawed species.
Able to replicate what it has absorbed, a cloud of suspicion disperses over the remaining survivors as they try to separate friend from foe.
A prequel to the 1982 remake of the 1952 classic, this faithful but flawed version dispenses with ambiance and gets right down to gore.
Incidentally, the crash site proves that aliens are just like us: bad drivers. 0
In Time
The worst thing about being 25 the rest of your life is that you’ll continue to make bad career choices for eternity.
Fortunately, the future offered in this sci-fi film doesn’t allow for many stuff-your-own sausage restaurants.
In a world where everyone has one year to live after turning 25 – unless they accumulate more minutes – a blue-collar worker, Will (Justin Timberlake), is granted nearly a century of time.
While his newfound prosperity ups his position, it also attracts a ruthless time thief (Alex Pettyfer) and a persistent timekeeper (Cillian Murphy).
Sick of their separatist society, Will and the daughter of a businessman (Amanda Seyfried) begin robbing time banks and passing the minutes on to the poor.
Though the concept put forth by this movie is an intriguing one, its overall worth is devalued by Timberlake’s ghastly performance.
Unfortunately, for females living in a time sensitive civilization, sex is even shorter. 0
Dream House
The best thing about buying a murder house is you won’t need to put any Halloween decorations up to scare trick-or-treaters.
Unfortunately, the new owner of the infamous crime house in this horror movie refuses to acknowledge that benefit.
Shortly after Peter (Daniel Craig) moves his wife Elizabeth (Rachel Weisz) and their daughters in to their new home, he learns from the locals that the previous resident had killed his wife and children.
His frustration turns to confusion when Peter begins to notice cracks in his reality that suggest he may have been more involved in the slayings than he’d care to admit.
While the ending does offer salvation for those able to wade through the convoluted storyline, Dream House is ultimately primed for foreclosure.
Besides, during this economic downturn, it’s more beneficial to stop snooping for the truth and just open your home up to busloads of murder tours. 0
***How Bungalow Can You Go?***
Mr. Blandings Builds His Dream House
The key to buying a fixer upper for your family to move in to is to not buy a fixer upper at all.
Unfortunately, the advertising executive in this comedy got suckered into buying this money-pit.
Fed up with the cramped confines of his crowded New York apartment, Mr. Blandings (Cary Grant) makes an executive decision to move his wife (Myrna Loy) and their daughters to a palatial Connecticut homestead.
Blandings’ dream house, however, becomes a nightmare when he must teardown the structure and rebuild anew.
Compounding Blandings’ situation is a new account and suspicion that his wife's having an affair.
An overview of the tribulations attributed to renovating, including the toll it takes on marriage, Mr. Blandings’ Dream House is both hilarious and frightening.
However, the hardest part of renovating any decrepit country home is getting the squatters to hold off on their defecating until the kitchen’s been retiled.
He's an Ensuite Heart. He's the...
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