Be Kind, Please Rewind

He Speaks in Forked Tongues. He’s the…

Vidiot

Week of October 14, 2010

Fat lizards need to scale back. First up…

How To Train Your Dragon

Every manager knows the proper way to train a new employee is to have him or her interact with co-workers whilst wearing a nametag that reads: “My name is Trainee”.

Unfortunately, the nametag belonging to the trainee in this animated adventure has melted.

Raised by an autocratic Viking father (Gerard Butler), who doesn’t think he can become a proper dragon slayer, Hiccup (Jay Baruchel) tries desperately to impress him by bringing down an elusive dragon.

Unable to slay the injured beast, Hiccup instead nurses it back to health.

Now, it’s up to the unlikely pair to quell the fire-breathing feud between dragons and Vikings before both species are eradicated.

A rip-roaring ride through the skies, How To Train Your Dragon strikes a nice balance between action and humour.

Furthermore, it offers hope to those less successful dragon trainers out there whose healthcare providers refuse to cover any more skin grafts.  0

Splice

When splicing DNA from two different species it is important to remember to omit any “bad” genes, like obesity, poor eyesight, and watermelon seeds.

And while the genetic engineers in this sci-fi horror remembered to exclude those aforementioned heredities, they forgot to remove the “monster” genes.

Unwilling to rest on their laurels, successful splicers Clive (Adrien Brody) and Elsa (Sarah Polley) take their DNA tampering to the next level by creating a humanoid hybrid.

Keeping their creation concealed from their benefactors, the two raise the rapidly developing amalgam on their own.

But as their offspring evolves into a short-tempered teen with extraordinary attributes, the makeshift mom and dad are left impotent in their progeny’s wake.

A caustic commentary on modern science, Splice effortlessly seams two subversive genres together in a way that is both smart and scary.

Unfortunately, it won’t stop me from opening my designer baby kiosk in the mall.  0

***Dragon Ballsy***      

Pete’s Dragon

From purple elephants to demonic spirits, every child has imaginary friends that no one else but them can see.

So, just because the folks in this live-action/animated feature can’t see Pete’s dragon, doesn’t mean that when it burps it won’t send them to the burn ward.

Fleeing his sadistic foster mother (Shelley Winters), an orphan, Pete (Sean Marshall), and his invisible dragon, Elliot, take refuge with a drunken lighthouse keeper (Mickey Rooney) and his daughter Nora (Helen Reddy).

But when Elliot’s intangible antics elicit unwanted attention from the townsfolk, Pete’s problematic parent comes looking for him.

A whimsical comedy about growing up, Pete’s Dragon can be a tad tacky at times, however, the innocuous musical numbers and the brilliantly belligerent performance from Mickey Rooney makes it worthwhile.

But why would an orphan choose to create an imaginary dragon to play with when they could easily imagine themselves up some parents?

He's Lukewarm-Blooded. He's the...

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