The Vidiot Reviews....

He’s a Silent Treatment Centre. He’s the...

Vidiot

Week of April 26, 2019

You always ignore the ones you love. First up...

Miss Bala

Thanks to all of the vacant space in their heads, beauty pageant contestants make for the best border mules.

Regrettably, the cartel in this action movie made the mistake of selecting a make-up artist instead.

While visiting her pageant contestant friend down south, Gloria (Gina Rodriguez) witnesses a gang shooting. But when she goes to the authorities, they take her straight to the gang responsible. Now she must run guns and money across the US border or else they will kill her friend. Meanwhile, the DEA (Anthony Mackie) is also using Gloria to gather Intel on the gang.

Featuring some of the worst dialogue ever uttered, not to mention the most banal action even scenes recorded, this needlessly convoluted adaptation of the Mexican original is all over the place and nowhere all at once.

Besides, the best way to smuggle across the US border is to label shipments: Border Wall Material.  Red Light

 

The Perfect Date

The ideal date would be to have the other person look like the photo they had posted online.

Conversely, the escort in this romantic-comedy will look like anyone his patrons want him to.

Desperate to get into Yale, Brooks (Noah Centineo) agrees to take a fellow classmate’s cousin (Laura Marano) out in exchange for a fee. Running with this idea, he enlists his IT friend to create a dating app that allows users to customize his appearance and attitude for the date. But as he racks up rendezvouses, he repulses those he loves, includes a rich girl (Camila Mendes) he’s trying to impress.

While this comedy based on the novel may offer a few good zingers and pointed critiques on modern courting, it is drastically miscast and adheres to rom-com formula so rigidly that it becomes painfully predictable.

Luckily, being a teenage prostitute is good experience for your post-graduate work.  Yellow Light

***Main Street Walker***

The Naked Kiss

The reason why small towns don’t have prostitutes is because they have livestock.

However, with the arrival of the professional in this drama, Bessy has been put on notice.

After cutting up her pimp big city prostitute Kelly (Constance Towers) flees to rural Grantville. Subsequent to turning her first/last trick in town with officer Griff (Anthony Eisley), she seeks honest work at a children’s hospital. Eventually, she falls in love with Griff’s best friend (Michael Dante) who turns out to have a darker secret to hide than her.

Tackling taboo subject matter with an even more taboo subject, writer/director/producer Samuel Fuller draws on his past experiences with ladies of the night to offer up a stylish and sympathetic story that portrays them as victims to the moral hypocrisy of a patriarchal - and depraved - society.

Besides, if being a whore makes you irredeemable, than everyone on Instagram is screwed.

He’s a Cathouse Pet. He’s the...

Vidiot