Be Kind, Please Rewind

He’s Tight Lippy. He’s the…

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Week of July 13, 2018

Silence is golden until you need to fart. First up…

A Quiet Place

The best way to avoid monsters that hunt by sound is to hide at the library.

Mind you, city-run services are pretty much non-existent in this horror movie.

In the not-too-distant future a race of colossal armoured beings that stalk by sound vibrations have exterminated most of humanity. Survivors like Lee (John Krasinski), his pregnant wife Evelyn (Emily Blunt), and their three children live in the woods where they try to be as inaudible as possible; as not to attract any aggressors.

But keeping the sightless beasts at bay becomes more of a burden, however, when Evelyn goes into labour.

A tautly told post-apocalyptic tale that focuses on a family dealing with adversity beyond the creatures, novice director Krasinski does an impeccable job of bringing the parental experience to the genre and delivering some intense thrills in the process.

Moreover, sound-sensitive monsters are a good deterrent for all rambunctious children. Green Light

 

Chappaquiddick

Finally, they have made a feature-length film about Harry Potter’s favourite sport.

Oops, my mistake. This drama is actually about Ted Kennedy, not the golden snitch.

In July 1969 the then Massachusetts Senator Ted Kennedy (Jason Clarke) – brother to John and Robert Kennedy – drove his vehicle off of a Chappaquiddick Island bridge. While Ted survived the incident unscathed, his passenger, 28-year-old campaign aide Mary Jo Kopechne (Kate Mara), did not.

Fearing for his family’s reputation, Ted fled the crime scene, only to be cajoled in to confessing later by his cousin (Ed Helms) and his State’s Attorney (Jim Gaffigan).

An overlooked aspect of the late Ted Kennedy’s life, this random rendition of the decades old events may or may not be entirely factual. However, the actual facts still make Teddy seem like a complete creep.

Incidentally, Teddy’s brothers could’ve helped him make it look like Mary Jo had OD’d instead.  Yellow Light

Super Troopers 2

While the RCMP is not as well armed as US State Troopers, Mounties do have horses.

However, the hosers in this comedy are going to need more than steeds to protect their land.

When the Vermont Governor and their old chief (Brian Cox) hire them to head a US police force on Canadian soil, disgraced members of the Spurbury PD (Jay Chandrasekhar, Paul Soter, Kevin Heffernan) race across the border.

While stationed near Quebec, the makeshift militia befriends the mayor (Rob Lowe), the US/Canada emissary (Emmanuelle Chriqui), and become embroiled in a counterfeit cell-phone smuggling ring.

The crowd funded sequel to the middling 2001 cult hit, this laugh less reunion is just a rehash of the same jokes from the original film that don’t seem that funny any more. Even the new characters introduced are instantly forgettable.

Besides, Canadians don’t need to smuggle in cell-phones, our rotary phones work just fine.  Red Light

***The Resounds of Silence***

Screamers

It’s hard to be quiet in a horror movie when you’re being shadowed by a string quartet.

Fortunately, the creatures in this sci-fi movie don’t hunt by sound, but heartbeats.

In the not-too-distant future, two warring parties on a remote mining planet have reached a stalemate. Directed by their earth superiors to make peace with the saboteurs, Col. Hendricksson (Peter Weller) of the Alliance leads his team in to enemy territory to endorse the accord.

En route, however, self-replicating AI created by their enemy attack the contingent. Emitting high-pitched squeals as they engage, newer versions can even replicate humans.

Atmospheric and suspenseful thanks to a shrieking threat hidden around every corner, this 1995 adaptation of the Philip K. Dick story is a low-budget space thriller that dabbles in both hard science and shock horror with respectable results.  

On the bright side, once robots look human we can start sharing clothes.

He’s a Row-bot. He’s the…

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