Be Kind, Please Rewind

He’s a Wheelhouse Fire. He’s the…

Vidiot

Week of July 6, 2018

Excel at one thing, fail at10 things. First up...

  

The Leisure Seeker

The best way to extinguish a house fire in an RV is to drive the vehicle in to the nearest lake.

Sadly, the sightseers in this dramedy would just end up bickering over directions.

Before Alzheimer’s deteriorates her husband’s (Donald Sutherland) mind, the equally ill Ella (Helen Mirren) plans to take him to visit the home of his favorite author in Florida. But to get down there from Boston, they must swipe their old recreational vehicle from dry-dock without their concerned kids noticing. En route to Hemingway’s house Ella ends up learning new things about herself, her spouse and her children.

While this timely adaptation of the 2009 novel is superlatively acted and brimming with heart tugging, tear-jerking, humorous moments between the mature lovebirds, the conventional script, uninspired direction, and general lack of purpose undermines the overall experience. 

  

Moreover, every RVer drives around like they don’t remember where they’re going.  Yellow Light

 

Blockers

The good thing about sex pacts is that they allow you to know the exact moment you contracted HPV.

However, the parents in this comedy are trying everything in their power to prevent that transfer from happening.

Three best friends make a pact to lose their virginity on prom night. But when their overprotective parents (John Cena, Leslie Mann, Ike Barinholtz) undercover their agreement they set out to block all penises from entering their college-bound offspring.

As the girls fumble their way around male genitalia, their inept guardians find themselves immersed in uncomfortable situations.

While it does speak to the uncertainty of an empty nest, the comedy portion of this R-rated romp is of the raunchy variety. Moreover, the situations the parents find themselves in are too preposterous to be funny.

Fortunately, if your daughter is knocked up on prom night at least you won’t have to pay for college.  Red Light

***On the Virginity***

Losin' It

Giving away your virginity in some sex-pact is ludicrous - especially since you can sell it on the Internet.

Unfortunately, the digital era is decades away in this 1960s set teen sex-comedy.

Hell-bent on popping their cherries, three seniors, Woody (Tom Cruise), Dave (Jackie Earle Haley) and Spider (John Stockwell), head from L.A. to Tijuana in a 1957 Chevy intent on losing their virginity in a Mexican brothel. However, losing it is harder than it seems as the boys are tested at every turn by the corrupt local sheriff, a desperate housewife (Shelley Long) and a bad case of limp dick.

Teeming with tons of testosterone-tinged hijinks involving cross-border prostitutes, fireworks and fabled aphrodisiacs this 1983 romp is a forgotten gem of the juvenile genre that features an exceptionally embarrassing performance from a young Tom Cruise. 

Moreover, for a man to lose his virginity, technically, he needs to be penetrated.

He’s a Spanish Flyboy. He’s the…

Vidiot