He’s a Waste Landscaper. He’s the…
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Week of April 27, 2018
The future is the past just everyone is
older. First up…
Maze Runner: The Death Cure
Adults always chase after teenagers in
dystopian futures because they need to know which social media to use.
However, the grownups in this sci-fi flick
have bigger concerns than cyber stalking.
As the Flare virus continues to convert the
remaining human population into zombies, scientists continue abducting
uninfected youths to find a cure. Fearful that their friend is going to be
dissected, maze survivors Thomas (Dylan O'Brien) and Newt (Thomas
Brodie-Sangster) disobey the resistance leader (Barry Pepper) and head to the
Last City.
But they cannot penetrate the citadel
without help from some unlikely allies (Walton Goggins, Kaya Scodelario).
While the initial installment of this
post-apocalyptic franchise was intriguing, this third chapter in the adaptation
of the YA book series is the complete opposite. Predictable and inert, this
last kick at the dystopian can feels contrive.
Incidentally, one side effect of injecting
yourself with teenage blood is much more angst.
Red Light
12 Strong: The Declassified True Story of
the Horse Soldiers
Now I am all for diversity in the military
but horses have no place on a submarine.
Smartly, the US army is utilizing the
equine in this action movie, and not the navy.
In the wake of 9/11, Mitch Nelson (Chris
Hemsworth) foregoes his army desk job and requests to lead a covert squad in to
Afghanistan.
But first Mitch and his elite force
(Michael Shannon, Michael Peña) will have to secure mounts to tackle the rough
terrain and assistance from the leader of the Alliance (Navid Negahban) if they
hope to overtake a Taliban stronghold.
With its pretty-boy lead spewing patriotic
idioms before every choreographed exchange, this lengthy retelling of the
classified mission that started it all feels fictionalized and disingenuous.
While the greater conflict is present, the war is never really addressed.
And while the horses on the ground were
successful, the ones in the fighter jets weren’t. Yellow Light
Den of Thieves
The key to a successful heist is
double-crossing your partners before they do you.
Unfortunately, the hoods in this action-thriller
aren’t aware of this detail.
A boozy sheriff (Gerard Butler) remains
one-step behind a heavily armed and highly efficient posse of armored truck
robbers (Pablo Schreiber, 50 Cent).
While the sheriff finalizes his divorce,
the crew partners with a shifty bartender (O'Shea Jackson Jr.) who has an
elaborate plan to steal from the Federal Reserve. As the scheme progresses it
becomes clear that not everyone is on the up and up.
A simplistic caper with a passable twist,
this crime saga is unduly long and not that original when compared to others of
its ilk. But it is the blundering performances of Butler and Cent that really
drags this picture down to the dregs of the genre.
Incidentally, heists are one of the few
events that men can actually organize.
Yellow Light
***Groan Ups***
Night of the Comet
Zombies who regularly eat teenage brains
are moodier than zombies who don’t.
However, it’ll be hard to get ahold of the
adolescent minds in this sci-fi thriller.
When earth passes through the tail of a
comet, all spectators are turned into a flesh-eating zombie. Promiscuous teen
Reggie and her cheerleader sister Sam (Catherine Mary Stewart, Kelli Maroney)
awake the next day unchanged. Armed with an Uzi they blast their way through
the undead to reach a group of scientists who want to dissect the sisters to
find a cure.
Considered to be the inspiration behind
Buffy the Vampire Slayer, as well as a main contributor to the fledgling
horror-comedy sub-genre, this 1984 cult classic was ahead of its time not only
in terms of its jocular tone, but also in casting two strong female leads as
the survivors.
Unfortunately, sexist zombies are going to
have a tough choice this election.
He’s Undead Tired. He’s the…
Vidiot
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