Be Kind, Please Rewind

He’s an Uphill Battle Scar. He’s the…

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Week of February 23, 2018

Old dogs can’t remember new tricks. First up...

Darkest Hour

The only employers who have a workforce over the age of 70 are Wal-Mart and Parliament.

So it’s no surprise that the political party in this drama would elect a senior as its new head.

Displeased with Neville Chamberlain’s kowtowing to Hitler and his swelling Nazis movement, Britain’s Labour Party moves to oust him as Prime Minister and replace him with a Lord from the Royal Navy, Winston Churchill (Gary Oldman).

Faced with the daunting decision of either capitulating or combating the encroaching threat, Churchill not only seeks advice from his wife (Kristin Scott Thomas) and secretary (Lily James), but also the commoners.

While it can get bogged down in political minutia at times, Oldman’s turn as the portly Prime Minister, along with the spirited dialogue and rousing speeches, keep this reasonably accurate historical biography from becoming boring.

Incidentally, the darkest hour is the best time to break and enter. Yellow Light

Daddy’s Home 2

To keep your father busy when he visits be sure to loosen every screw in the household.    

Fortunately, the families in this comedy have plenty of activities to keep their dads from their tool-belt.

When their daughter declares that she hates Christmas ever since her mother (Linda Cardellini) divorced her father Dusty (Mark Wahlberg) and married Brad (Will Ferrell), the two families decide to spend the holidays together for the first time. But past problems and new revelations threaten to undermine the blended family when Dusty’s father (Mel Gibson) and Brad’s dad (John Lithgow) show up to celebrate.

While it has a sprinkling of serviceable gags that poke fun at the season, overall this ineffective sequel to the average original struggles to make its pap material palatable or even slightly plausible.

Besides, even Jesus had two Christmas: one with Mary and Joseph and one with God and his new girlfriend.  Red Light

 

The Cloverfield Paradox

The worst thing about life on an international space station is that Russian and American astronauts always collude to rig movie night voting.

Sadly, the crew in this thriller won’t live long enough to complain about this week’s selection.

While in the throes of an energy crisis, Earth launches representatives from around the world (David Oyelowo, Daniel Brühl, Chris O'Dowd, Gugu Mbatha-Raw), along with a particle accelerator that will tap into alternative energy sources, into space. But when the accelerator opens a portal to an alternate reality, a bevy of behemoths are unleashed on Earth.

The third installment in the cryptic Cloverfield franchise, this Netflix distributed sequel sheds some light on the origins of the monsters plaguing our planet, but its slapdash and incongruous script simply feels shoehorned into the larger narrative.

And while giant monsters don’t necessarily ease our energy crisis, their carcasses will help with global food shortages.  Red Light

***Bollocksmith***

 

Sid and Nancy

Like EDM musicians, Hip-Hop artists and Pop vocalists, Punk rockers can make millions without ever knowing how to play a musical instrument.

Case in point, the maladroit bassist in this drama.

At the height of the Sex Pistols’ popularity, crusty punker Sid Vicious (Gary Oldman) is introduced to American groupie Nancy Spungen (Chloe Webb). Although he’s warned by his band mate Johnny Rotten (Andrew Schofield) and their manager Malcolm McLaren (David Hayman) to steer clear, Sid is drawn to Nancy and her stash of heroin. 

The volatile union inevitably destroys the band before terminating the star-crossed lovers themselves in true punk fashion.

While Oldman’s acting début manages to electrify, auteur Alex Cox’ 1986 adaptation of the 1978 events marginalizes lead singer Rotten’s importance in the band’s success, while glamourizing Vicious’ drug abuse and his bad musicianship.

Incidentally, if drugs didn’t kill Sid Vicious, hearing himself in a car commercial would’ve.

He's an Anarchy Cutter. He's the...

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