He’s a Bee’s Wax Museum. He’s the…
Vidiot
Week of September 15, 2017
Gift shops would be more successful without
museums. First up…
The Mummy
Instead of wasting money on gauze, why
don’t Mummies just wear full-body casts?
Luckily, this action-horror movie reminds
us that the undead aren’t that smart.
An ancient Egyptian princess (Sofia
Boutella) renowned for murdering her family is resurrected in modern day
England and tasked with finding a human host for the jackal headed god Set to
possess.
She selects a soldier (Tom Cruise) to
become her master’s vessel. However, a clandestine monster-hunting society
headed by Dr. Jekyll (Russell Crowe) has other plans for the princess and her
god of destruction.
The latest reboot of the desert monarch
that serves as the cornerstone for Universal’s shared Dark Universe, this
muddled revival of the 1932 monster flirts with a few interesting ideas but
ultimately unravels under the weight of its own exposition, franchise staging
and bad CGI.
Incidentally, being possessed by a god
means you can never call into work sick ever.
Red Light
It Comes at Night
The scariest thing about an infectious
outbreak is being quarantined with your family.
Fortunately, the isolated brood in this
psychological-horror has just received some unrelated visitors.
Held up in the backwoods since a contagion
wiped out the cities, Paul (Joel Edgerton) has successfully protected his wife
(Carmen Ejogo) and teenage son (Kelvin Harrison Jr.) from infection. He lets
his guard down, however, when a young couple (Christopher Abbott, Riley Keough)
with a child and livestock comes knocking on their door.
But when Paul starts to suspect that one of
their guests may be infected both families turn on each other.
Using close quartered confinement to drive
home the paranoia, this atmospheric indy does the classic horror setting an
injustice by not delivering the goods. The threat is weak, the tension is
tepid, and the scares non-existent.
Moreover, if you don’t want houseguests
during an outbreak just say you have bedbugs.
Red Light
Captain Underpants: The First Epic Movie
A super-hero who only wears underpants must
be amazing at taking final exams.
Surprisingly, the semi-nude saviour in this
animated-comedy isn’t part of a recurring nightmare.
Created by George (Kevin Hart) and Harold
(Thomas Middleditch) to save the citizens of their homemade comic book while
only wearing a cape and his underwear, Captain Underpants finds his secret
identity in the boys’ real-life principal Krupp (Ed Helms).
Hypnotized by the fourth-graders to believe
that he is their prized protector, Krupp wavers between being the heroic
captain and a maniacal administrator hell-bent on separating the best friends.
While it gets points for its various
animation techniques, stellar voice-work and for embodying the silly spirit of
the long-running children’s book series that it’s based on, unfortunately that
same juvenile essence becomes childish very quickly, while the endless pop song
montages simply nauseate.
Also, if Captain Underpants doesn’t wipe
properly he can easily become Captain Skidmarks. Yellow Light
***The Last Men, Woman and Child on
Earth***
Five
The upside to atomic war is finding out if
your homemade Hazmat suit works.
The folks in this post-apocalyptic drama,
however, think it best to avoid ground zone.
Wandering the radioactive hillsides looking
for her husband in the wake of an atomic bomb that wiped out humanity, the
pregnant Roseanne (Susan Douglas Rubes) stumbles upon Michael (William Phipps).
Other survivors eventually join the couple
on the outskirts: an elderly banker (Earl Lee), his African-American aid
(Charles Lampkin) and a racist (James Anderson).
As tensions mount between the males,
Roseanne sneaks away to the city to continue searching for her newborn’s
father.
A somber yet realistic take on atomic
fallout and the struggle that follows, writer, director, producer Arch Oboler
brings his radio drama sensibilities to the silver screen resulting in this
effective meditation on the human condition.
Incidentally, in a post-apocalyptic world
store mannequins are your best hope for reproduction.
He’s Pre-Apocalyptic. He’s the…
Vidiot
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