He’s a Space Opera Singer. He’s the…
Vidiot
Week of November 4, 2016
The acoustics in space suck. First up…
Star Trek Beyond
The worst part of commercial space-travel
is that lost luggage gravitates towards the sun.
Thankfully, the crewmembers in this sci-fi
film are only issued one outfit to wear.
While on shore leave, Captain Kirk (Chris
Pine) entertains an offer that would see him abdicate leadership of the USS
Enterprise to Spock (Zachary Quinto).
However, an SOS from deep space delays that
decision, and lands Kirk and crew (Zoe Saldana, Karl Urban, Simon Pegg, John
Cho, Anton Yelchin) in a trap set by an alien (Idris Elba) after an artifact
capable of annihilating Starfleet.
The third entry in the resuscitated
franchise, Beyond is the most kinetic and action-packed of the trilogy. And
though it introduces interesting new characters to the mix, this installment -
like the ones before it - lacks the original series’ social commentary.
For example: In the future, women of all
races will be free to wear miniskirts.
Yellow Light
Bad Moms
The key to being a really bad mother is
publicly breastfeeding your teenager.
The moms in this comedy, however, have
stopped breastfeeding altogether.
Fed up with her unfaithful husband (David
Walton) and needy children, super mom Amy (Mila Kunis) aligns herself with a
brash single mom (Kathryn Hahn) and an uptight stay-at-home mom (Kristen Bell)
to find her sovereignty.
Throwing mommy-centric house parties,
shirking her parental duties and plotting against the evil PTA (Christina
Applegate, Jada Pinkett Smith, Annie Mumolo), Amy and her crew redefine what it
means to be a mother in these taxing times.
An ill-fated attempt to unburden modern
mothers from the pressures of childrearing by encouraging them to act and
converse like frat boys, this feminist farce written and directed by two men
regretfully adheres to a masculine approach to alleviating stress.
In reality, the feminine approach to stress
relief is actually a 5-hour bubble bath.
Red Light
Nine Lives
The best thing about being trapped in the
body of a cat is getting rich off of the Internet.
Mind you, the displaced industrialist in
this fantasy would rather make his millions elsewhere.
Workaholic father Tom (Kevin Spacey) is
visited by the owner (Christopher Walken) of the pet shop where he bought Mr.
Fuzzypants after a freak storm relocates his consciousness into the cat he
bought his daughter.
Told to reconnect with his wife (Jennifer
Garner) and child or be stuck as a cat, Tom tries to convince them he’s their
cat to no avail. Meanwhile, his business partner is staging a coup.
Contender for worst movie of the year, this
green screen laden French/American co-production directed by Barry Sonnenfeld
is a joyless family comedy that features an embarrassing voice-over from
Spacey, and lifeless performances from everyone else.
On the upside, they’ll make a mint off the
father/daughter dance footage. Red Light
***Animal Crew-lty***
Space Buddies
Dogs are the worst animals to launch into
space on account they chase every comet they see.
Unfortunately, the shuttle carrying the
canines in this family-comedy is incapacitated.
Golden retriever pup Buddha (Field Cate)
and his newborn buddies: Mudbud, Rosebud, Budderball and B-Dawg stowaway on an
experimental rocket ship and are unknowingly launched into space.
But when they run out of fuel, their ship
must dock at a Russian space station, where a cosmonaut (Diedrich Bader) and
his dog (Jason Earles) have been living in seclusion. While the Russian wants
to stay his dog doesn’t, so the buddies formulate an escape.
The third entry in the Air Bud spin-off,
this 2009 offering is on par with the previous installments, save for worse
special effects and storytelling. However, the Buddies are still adorable.
Moreover, if they make it back, the Buddies
will be the first dogs to ever return from space.
He’s a Space Junkyard Dog. He’s the…
Vidiot
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