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He Means Small Business. He’s the…

Vidiot

Week of August 26, 2016

Mom-and-Pop’s always get held-up by their kids. First up…

The Huntsman: Winter’s War

The difference between huntsmen and poachers means absolutely nothing to a trophy class mule deer.

The seeker in this fantasy-adventure, however, is stalking his long thought dead wife.

Trained by ice queen Freya (Emily Blunt) to be a huntsman in her army, Eric (Chris Hemsworth) knows well her aversion to love so he keeps his marriage to fellow hunter Sara (Jessica Chastain) a secret.

But when Freya learns of this adoration, the couple is dispersed and convinced each other is dead. Years hence, when Queen Snow White falls ill, the lovers are reunited. But this time as rivals.

The unwarranted sequel to Snow White and the Huntsman, Winter’s War is also a pointless prequel that does little to improve upon its predecessor’s discourteous depiction of dwarves. Moreover, its grandiose effects aren’t enough to sustain its plodding plot.

Incidentally, Snow White’s sobriquet would imply that her ailment is likely an overdose.  Red Light

 

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Me Before You

They’re called wheelchair ramps but you rarely see people doing jumps off them.

Hopefully, the paralyzed person in this romance gives it ago after their melancholy.

Years after a road accident left him wheelchair-bound, ex-financier Will (Sam Claflin) continues to suffer from depression over the loss of his former lifestyle.

Lou (Emilia Clarke) is an unemployed waitress who agrees to become the primary caregiver to the posh playboy.

Although her pep and his self-pity don’t mix, when she learns of his suicide pact, she plans to dissuade him by showing him the beauty of life with or without mobility.

While the leads have enough chemistry to pull of the love/hate angle of this adaptation of the British bestseller, it comes off as craven and insensitive when faced with the touchy issue of euthanasia.

Nonetheless, it’s still hard to tell if someone’s dating a handicapped person just for the parking privileges.  Red Light

***Handicapsized***

 

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An Affair to Remember

You should always wear steel-toed boots when dating a woman in a wheelchair.

Unfortunately, the suitor in this romance isn’t aware of his lover’s toe-crushing abilities.

Terry (Deborah Kerr) is in a committed relationship, but it is tested when she encounters an American playboy Nickie (Cary Grant) on her ship home from Europe.

Before they part, the pair promise to meet at the Empire State Building in six-months. While on her way there Terry is struck by a car, leaving her paralyzed and him jilted.

Years hence, Nickie has become a successful painter thanks to an anonymous wheelchair-bound benefactor.

Long considered to be the definitive cinematic love story, this remake of a 1939 version lives up to its designation thanks to its perfectly matched leads and its tearjerker ending that still remains unrivaled.

Plus, the easiest way to tell if someone is paralyzed is they’ve given away all their pants.

He’s the Wheel-Chairman of the Board. He’s the…

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