He’s a Procedural Drama Queen. He’s the…
Vidiot
Week of August 5, 2016
Never work with children, animals or
Shannen Doherty. First up…
Mother’s Day
The biggest difference between Mother’s Day
and Father’s Day is that kids can actually find their moms to celebrate with.
This romantic-comedy, however, has found a
few fathers that have stuck around.
Bradley (Jason Sudeikis) is a single dad
dealing with his wife’s death during May; Miranda (Julia Roberts) is a
successful writer reunited with the daughter (Britt Robertson) she gave up for
adoption; Sandy (Jennifer Aniston) is a divorced mother whose husband (Timothy
Olyphant) has just remarried; and Jesse (Kate Hudson) and her sister (Sarah
Chalke) are about to introduce their narrow-minded mother (Margo Martindale) to
their controversial partners.
The third installment in Gary Marshall’s
forgettable sabbatical series, Mother’s Day may follow the same sappy
multi-love story narrative as its predecessors, but it differs because it
arrogantly believes that schmaltz can eradicate intolerance.
Besides, why make a million-dollar movie
for Mother’s Day when a phone call home would’ve sufficed? Red Light
Keanu
Cats make better buglers than dogs because
they don’t stop to sniff the night watchman’s crotch.
Unfortunately, the feline in this comedy is
messed up in harder crimes.
Recently dumped Rell (Jordan Peele) and his
unhappily married friend Clarence (Keegan-Michael Key) receive unconditional
love from Keanu, a kitten that randomly showed up on Rell’s doorstep.
Unbeknownst to them, Keanu belongs to two
assassin brothers who desperately want him back. Rell and Clarence unknowingly
impersonate the cutthroats to liberate Keanu from the drug dealer (Method Man)
who stole him from them.
While the absurd plotline lends well to the
comedy duo of Key & Peele, surprisingly neither brings their usual genius
to this action-y buddy-comedy. Not to
say it doesn’t have its moments, just that it doesn’t have as many as their
television sketch show work.
Incidentally, a crime boss is more apt to
have a gamecock as their house pet. Yellow Light
The Lobster
A good way to enjoy lobster on a budget is
to chug a glass of warm garlic butter.
Oddly, the man in this dark-comedy actually
wants to be turned into a crustacean.
In a world where relationships are
paramount, singles are sent to a secluded hotel where they are given 45 days to
find a partner, or be transformed into an animal of their choice. Recently
dumped David (Colin Farrell) opts for life as a lobster if he is unable to find
love.
Fortunately, he finds it in Short Sighted
Woman (Rachel Weisz). Unfortunately, both are part of the resistance movement,
which forbids relationships and wants to overthrow the single’s hotel.
While this quirky dating world is well
thought-out and the characters are amusing, the director’s static shots and the
script’s monotone dialogue may become taxing for impatient viewers.
Furthermore, never become an animal that
has -fest follow its name. Yellow Light
***Mild Life***
The Animal
The best animal attribute to have would be
pooping outdoors without toilet paper.
Surprisingly, that is only one of the
beastly abilities bestowed on the cop in this comedy.
Born loser Marvin (Rob Schneider) cannot
pass the obstacle course it takes to become a police officer until an
experimental doctor (Michael Caton) enhances him with parts from the wild
kingdom. Enabled with incredible powers, Marvin finally gets that shield and is
able to impress a dog-walker (Colleen Haskell).
But when random animal attacks occur around
town, Marvin suspects that he is leading a double life as a predator.
One of the worst Rob Schneider movies of
the early-2000s, The Animal’s lowbrow laughs and goofball special effects play
to the puerile. While the only thing more atrociousness then the jokes is
then-reality star Haskell’s performance, rivalled only by Schneider’s.
Moreover, why couldn’t he have been imbued
with the suicidal tendencies of a lemming?
He’s a Pi Predator. He’s the…
Vidiot
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