He’s a Shipwrecking Ball. He’s the…
Vidiot
Week of March 11, 2016
The best weight-loss diet is being lost at
sea. First up…
In the Heart of the Sea
The key to being a successful whaler is
attaching a large sign to your ship’s port that reads: Whale Watching Tours.
However, the underwater leviathan in this
drama would never fall for such chicanery.
When Herman Melville (Ben Whishaw)
convinces an innkeeper (Brendan Gleeson) to disclose to him his time aboard a
whaling vessel, the young novelist learns of how its crew (Chris Hemsworth,
Benjamin Walker, Cillian Murphy) contended with a malicious marine mammal that
left them marooned.
The old codger’s account of treachery,
anthropophagy and an angry sperm whale inspires Melvin to pen his own epic
whale tale.
While it does offer up some edifying
tidbits on extricating whale oil, this adaptation of the inspiration behind
Moby Dick doesn’t have Melvin’s narrative to support the bulk of its digitized
predator or Hemsworth’s lumbering performance.
Luckily, nowadays, we have a more humane
way of extracting oil from whales called fracking. Yellow Light
Victor Frankenstein
With all of his talents, Dr. Frankenstein
could have made millions as a Beverley Hills plastic surgeon.
Unfortunately, as this horror movie
demonstrates, he still prefers to use his gifts on the physically dead.
Rescuing a hunchback (Daniel Radcliffe) from
the circus and putting him to work in his laboratory, Doctor Victor
Frankenstein (James McAvoy) is poised to reanimate his dormant creation.
But when he’s expelled from school for
dabbling in the dark arts, Victor must seek funding from an old friend (Freddie
Fox) who wants to mass-produce his monster for military use.
Elsewhere, Igor romances a friend from the
circus (Jessica Brown Findlay), to Victor’s chagrin.
An action-packed re-imaging of Mary
Shelley’s novel, Victor Frankenstein’s dreary cinematography, derivative script
and dismal creature design make-up a patchwork corpse as lifeless as one of
Victor’s cadavers.
Incidentally, the only things you need to
defeat an army of carcasses are…ravenous buzzards. Red Light
The Peanuts Movie
The reason behind Peanuts’ long-running
success is that fans always felt sorry for that kid with leukemia.
However, this animated adaptation affirms
that Charlie Brown’s baldness is not from chemotherapy.
The eternal milksop Charlie Brown must put
aside his insecurities if he hopes to get the new Little Red-Haired Girl at
school to take notice of him.
To catch her eye, he enlists the aid of his
beagle Snoopy to help him win her over using talents he does not posses, in
academics, choreography and stage magic.
In-between Chuck’s failed attempt, Snoopy
bangs out a book about his alter ego the Red Baron.
With its psychoanalytical take on
childhood, familiar score and even more memorable supporting cast, this keenly
animated adaption of Charles Schulz’ beloved comic strip pays respect to its
origins by sticking to its innocuous formula.
Furthermore, Charlie Brown’s soul mate will
forever be fellow comic-strip loser Cathy.
Yellow Light
***Blowhole in One***
The Island at the Top of the World
The upside to the melting ice caps is that
sun-seekers can finally access those time-shares they bought before the last
ice age.
Mind you, the explorers in this
action-adventure movie aren’t looking for cozy accommodations.
Determined to locate his son (David
Gwillim) who went missing on an expedition to find an island in the arctic
where whales go to die, a nobleman (Donald Sinden) hires an archaeologist
(David Hartman), an Inuit (Mako) and a balloonist (Jacques Marin) to fly them
aboard his dirigible.
Soon, the searchers not only discover the
legendary bone yard, but also a lost Viking tribe and an active volcano that
threatens their aerial escape.
Featuring fanatical savages, killer whales
and middle-age heroes, this fanciful - but mostly forgotten - live-action Walt
Disney escapade from the 1970s is an interesting albeit hokey history lesson.
What’s more, the real place where whales go
to die is called SeaWorld.
He’s a Weak Sperm Whale. He’s the…
Vidiot
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