He’s a Shouting Star. He’s the…
Vidiot
Week of January 15, 2016
Space travel looks less comfortable than
air travel. First up…
The Martian
The best thing about commercial space
travel is the black box is easy to find in the floating wreckage.
Fortunately, all the astronauts in this
sci-fi movie made it back safely – save for one.
Believed killed in a Martian dust storm by
his crewmates (Jessica Chastain, Kate Mara, Michael Peña, Sebastian Stan) and
left behind, botanist Mark Watney (Matt Damon) must learn to survive on the
inhabitable planet.
Once communications with Earth has been
reestablished, NASA (Jeff Daniels, Kristen Wiig, Sean Bean, Chiwetel Ejiofor)
begins work on retrieving Mark before his food supply runs out.
Rich in hard science and unique in its
narrative, director Ridley Scott does an exceptional job of harmonizing the
two. While Damon’s lighthearted one-man performance deserves accolades as well.
However, these positives don’t make-up for
the film’s improbable premise.
Besides, NASA would only return for a
marooned astronaut if they were impregnated with an alien. Yellow Light
Hotel Transylvania 2
The key to dating Dracula’s daughter is
making sure to always wear a garlic-flavored condom.
Unfortunately, the new dad in this animated
movie didn’t heed that warning.
Unsure if his grandson Dennis will turn out
to be a monster like his mother (Selena Gomez) or human like his father (Andy
Samberg), Count Dracula (Adam Sandler) and his cronies (Steve Buscemi,
Keegan-Michael Key, Kevin James, David Spade) take the tike for the weekend.
But when his father (Mel Brooks) shows up
unexpectedly, Drac must keep Dennis’ mixed bloodline a secret from the old
orthodox bloodsucker.
The unwarranted sequel to the mediocre
original, HT2 does an inadequate job of establishing any time has past with the
newfound parents still resembling teenagers.
Furthermore, the jokes failed to have
mature as well, making for a dismal revisit all-around.
Incidentally, the issue of human/monster
hybrid fetuses is going to flip the abortion issue on its ear. Red Light
Sinister II
Twins make the worst paranormal victims
because you have to haunt them twice as much as normal.
Which is why the ghost-children in this
horror movie only torment one sibling.
Every night Dylan (Robert Daniel Sloan) is
visited by a group of adolescent apparitions that haunt the abandoned farmhouse
their mother (Shannyn Sossamon) moved him and his brother Zach (Dartanian
Sloan) into.
Jealous of his brother’s newfound friends,
Zach attempts to gain their favour by abusing his brother and watching the
horrify home videos that his squeamish brother refuses to.
Meanwhile, an ex-deputy (James Ransone)
with knowledge of the home’s history hopes to torch it and the sinister Super 8
reels inside.
Thanks to its untalented new cast and
scream-free script, this slapdash sequel to the surprisingly distributing
original fails to capitalize off of its predecessor’s cult status.
Furthermore, who needs ghost-kids when
twins are scary in and of themselves?
Red Light
***Squeal Armstrong***
Ghosts of Mars
The hardest part of being a ghost on Mars
is washing that red dust out of your bed sheets.
Smartly, the apparitions in this
sci-fi/horror movie possess people, not linens.
Years after it was made habitable, Mars has
now become home to the mining industry. But when miners accidentally uncover a
subterranean portal they unleash the incorporeal entities of the Red Planet.
With the campsite now under the influence
of the Martians, it’s up to an uninfected convict (Ice Cube) and his police
escorts (Natasha Henstridge, Jason Statham) to keep the controlled workers from
eradicating any more occupying Earthlings.
While cult moviemaker John Carpenter does
deserve praise for the feminist and anti-colonial undertone he manages to work
into his shoddy script, his plot points, dialogue and visual adaption are far
less praiseworthy.
Mind you, it’s very also disappointing to
see that the only black man on Mars is a felon.
He’s a Space Racist. He’s the…
Vidiot
No comments:
Post a Comment