He’s Humbug Spray. He’s the…
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Week of December 25, 2015
Mistletoe is a lawsuit waiting to happen.
First up…
Black Mass
The Irish make the worst bootleggers
because they drink all the moonshine before it can be sold.
Thankfully, the felons in this drama are
more partial to racketeering.
As a means of eliminating his Italian
adversaries, south Boston mob boss James "Whitey" Bulger (Johnny
Depp) becomes an FBI informant for his office-bearing brother’s (Benedict
Cumberbatch) childhood friend John Connolly (Joel Edgerton).
With his newfound federal protection
Whitney strengthens his stranglehold on the city. But a pertinacious
prosecutor, Fred Wyshak (Corey Stoll), refuses to let him get away with this,
or ignore Connolly’s obvious corruption.
While Depp turns in an intimidating - and
potentially award-winning - performance as the mad dog assassin, his true to
life exploits don’t come off as intense or as grandiose as the filmmakers would
have you believe.
Incidentally, the best way to kill your
Sicilian rivals is to hold a Godfather screening then firebomb the
theater. Yellow Light
Pan
The worst thing about being young forever
is all of your lovers eventually become sex-offenders.
Fortunately, the immortal in this fantasy
is technically still a mortal.
Spirited away to Neverland on a pirate ship
belonging to Blackbeard (Hugh Jackman), reluctant orphan Peter (Levi Miller)
hopes to find his mother (Amanda Seyfried) in the mystical realm.
Instead, he becomes a slave in Blackbeard’s
fairy-dust mine where he befriends a young Captain Hook (Garrett Hedlund), who
helps him escape.
Fearful of a prophecy foretelling a flying
boy who will overthrow him, Blackbeard vows to vanquish Peter before he learns
his true ancestry.
The overblown origin story of author J. M.
Barrie's beloved Lost Boy, this gaudy green-screened 3-D extravaganza exploits
modern fantasy movies for its expected exposition, while its characterization
of a benevolent Hook lacks plausibility.
Mind you, telling orphans they can fly
might free up some beds at the old orphanage.
Red Light
***Silencer Night***
Blast of Silence
Christmas shopping is easy for a hit man
because everyone on his list gets a bullet.
But as this drama demonstrates it’s the
other traditions that distress an assassin this time of year.
Dispatched to New York over the holidays to
deal with a low-level mob boss (Peter Clune), Cleveland contract killer Frankie
Bono (Allen Baron) is uneasy with returning to his hometown.
His unflappable nature is further tested
when he encounters an old friend from the orphanage and reignites a holiday
romance with her (Molly McCarthy).
However, Frankie’s violent lifestyle
doesn’t quite mesh with his old acquaintances.
The most honest portrayal of a professional
killer ever produced, this haunting 1961 noir Christmas story captures the
pathos and loneliness akin to a killer’s career, and the callousness needed to
endure it.
By the way, the only gift a mobster wants
from Santa at Christmas is his help moving a body.
He’s Wearing Cement Elf Shoes. He’s the…
Vidiot
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