Be Kind, Please Rewind

He’s a Bellwether Man. He’s the…

Vidiot

Nothing says Summer like floods, droughts, forest fires and tornadoes. First up…

The Water Diviner

If you’re looking for water in California this summer be sure to point your divining rod at million-dollar celebrity ranches.

Mind you, the unending search for respite in this drama occurs in post-WWI Australia.

In the wake of his wife’s suicide over the loss of their three sons, outback farmer and water diviner Joshua (Russell Crowe) heads to Turkey to retrieve their bodies from the Battlefield of Gallipoli, so that they can be buried alongside their mother.

With help from a local merchant (Olga Kurylenko) and an Ozzy officer (Jai Courtney), he unravels the mystery surrounding their tragic endings, and discovers more than he was expecting.

More fantasy than fact, first-time director Russell Crowe awkwardly attempts to integrate a May-December romance into actual historical events making for an off-kilter and suspiciously sanguine war story.

Furthermore, the airline is going to charge you an extra $25 for each of those coffins. Red Light

Home

If aliens hope to stay in America undetected they had better not disguise themselves as Mexicans.

Surprisingly, the immigrating ET’s in this animated movie opted for no disguises.

Searching for a home after fleeing their planet due to a conflict with the monstrous Gorg, Captain Smek (Steve Martin), leader of the Boov species, proposes they live on Earth.

Imprisoning the humans, the Boov move into their homes and begin to live their life anew. That is until an absentminded Boov, Oh (Jim Parsons), sends out a party invite that reaches Gorg.

Teaming with a human girl (Rihanna) in search of her mother (Jennifer Lopez), Oh hopes to abate Gorg’s attack and rejoin his race.

While the inarticulate aliens are an annoyance, it’s the rambling montages featuring Rihanna songs that really ruin this middling movie.

Furthermore, all extraterrestrials are welcome on Earth as long as they pay the billion-dollar visitor tax.  Red Light

***Nomad Scientists***

Titan A.E.

If aliens ever blow up Earth at least it’ll make us feel less guilty over poisoning it for centuries.

So the surviving humans in this animated-adventure must sure feel absolved.

Fifteen years after Earth was eradicated by the Drej, a salvage worker on a barrage, Cale (Matt Damon), is accosted by a starship captain (Bill Pullman) who insists the map in Cale’s ring will lead him and his crew (Drew Barrymore, John Leguizamo, Nathan Lane, Janeane Garofalo) to a device Cale’s father invented that can create a new Earth.

But with traitors aboard the Valkyrie, Cale must make sure the planet producing machine’s location is not divulged to the relentless Drej.

First-rate renderings and a roller-coaster script, this underrated Don Bluth directed space-opera introduces viewers to some spectacular worlds and intriguing new life forms.

And while we’re at it why not make a second new Earth just for our garbage.

He’s a Space Caseworker. He’s the…

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