He’s a Non-Prophet Organization. He’s the…
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Week of March 20, 2015
Moses had the first tablet. First up…
Exodus: Gods and Kings
With a reputation for creating colossus
waves and world-ending floods it’s possible God is a surfer.
And while he doesn’t hang ten in this
drama, he does materialize as a child.
Raised alongside the Pharaoh’s son,
Ramesses II (Joel Edgerton), Moses (Christian Bale) has a privileged life
unaware he’s a Hebrew like the slaves constructing the pyramids.
When this is divulged, he is cast out. But
on the orders of God Moses returns to free the slaves, and escort them to the
promise land.
The newly crowned Pharaoh, however, isn’t
about to let that happen.
Hard to take serious but harder to hate,
director Ridley Scott manifests a stark and bleak depiction of the Exodus.
As ostentatious as other adaptations but
with modern pacing, enhanced special effects and refined acting, Gods and Kings
is a well-intentioned successor.
Incidentally, after the Israelites left,
the incomplete pyramids were contracted out to aliens. Yellow Light
Annie
The key to getting adopted from a foster
home is dressing up like a sad puppy on visitor day.
Mind you, the foster kid in this musical
doesn’t have to wear a furry get-up to get parents.
When 10-year-old Annie (Quvenzhané Wallis)
is auspiciously pulled from harm’s way by cell-phone magnet and mayoral
candidate Will Stacks (Jamie Foxx), he convinces her to hangout with him as a
means of boasting his public standing.
Strictly business at first, Stacks
eventually warms to the new addition in his life.
However, Annie’s jealous den mother
(Cameron Diaz) isn’t about to let her have any happiness.
Taking great liberties not only with the
songs tempos but also much of the lyrics, this modernization of the 1930s radio
heroin has been corrupted by political incorrectness and turned into a sterile,
materialist, amateurish cash grab.
Besides, rich people only adopt orphans for
their blood’s anti-aging properties. Red
Light
Penguins of Madagascar
Penguins make terrible soldiers because
they naturally want to hatch every enemy grenade they see.
Thankfully, there are no exploding penguin
nests in this animated movie.
A pack of military inspired penguins,
Skipper (Tom McGrath), Kowalski (Chris Miller), Rico (Conrad Vernon) and
Private (Christopher Knights), are abducted by a highly intelligent octopus,
Dave (John Malkovich), who is intent on transforming penguins everywhere into
hideous monsters.
However, a legitimate group of animal
agents (Benedict Cumberbatch, Ken Jeong, Peter Stormare, Annet Mahendru) are
already on Dave’s trail and the bumbling foursome are only getting in their
way.
A spin-off of the Madagascar series, this
penguin-centric feature has more belly laughs than the mediocre trilogy
combined.
Brightly animated, with endless chase
scenes and lowbrow but entertaining zingers throughout, this madcap outing will
only appeal to hyperactive children and immature adults.
Incidentally, the only way to defeat zoo
penguins is with a panda exhibit. Green
Light
***Pyramid Scheme***
The Prince of Egypt
The worst time find out that you are Jewish
is at a pig roast.
Thankfully, the Israelite in this animated
movie wasn’t near pork when informed of his birthright.
Despite being found in a basket, the orphan
Moses (Val Kilmer) was raised by the Pharaoh as Rameses II (Ralph Fiennes)
brother.
But when Moses learns from his biological
sister (Sandra Bullock) that he’s actually Hebrew, like the Pharaoh’s slaves,
he flees Egypt and becomes a shepherd.
When God orders him to return and free the
slaves, Moses leaves his flock and guides thousands of Jews through the desert.
A rare animated account of the Exodus this
lavishly rendered interpretation is impeded by its unnecessary and uninspiring
musical numbers.
Devoid of mirth, Prince of Egypt’s graphic
nature may be faithful to the times but too frightening for young viewers.
Mind you, it is surprising to learn that
God sings falsetto.
He’s a Burning Bush Pilot. He’s the…
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