Be Kind, Please Rewind

He’s a Double-edged Sword Swallower. He’s the… 

Vidiot

Week of January 10, 2014

What doesn’t kill you soils your underwear. First up…

Runner Runner

Online gambling is superior to real world betting because when you cheat the digital pit boss only breaks your avatar’s legs.

Case in point, the fully functional bipedal gambler in this thriller.

Losing his college tuition to a corrupt online poker site, Richie (Justin Timberlake) heads to Costa Rica to address the site’s owner, Ivan (Ben Affleck), face to face.

As reparation for his loss, Ivan offers Richie the opportunity to work for him.

Overtime, Richie learns his big break is nothing but a long con that could cost him his girl (Gemma Arterton), his father (Richard Dreyfuss), and send him to prison - unless he turns FBI informant.

An obvious hustle from the get-go, Runner Runner does little to conceal its boilerplate Ponzi scheme plot. 

And even less to camouflage its standard “switcheroo” ending and talentless leading man.

Unfortunately, unlike real poker, wearing sunglasses doesn’t help your online game. Red Light

Closed Circuit

The upside to everyone video recording everyone else is that your heinous criminal act could end up going viral.

Mind you, it could also put you on trial like the accused terrorist in this thriller.

When a young extremist is charged with discharging a bomb in a public market, lawyers Martin (Eric Bana) and Claudia (Rebecca Hall) are brought in to defend him.

Instructed that they cannot contact each during the closed and open court proceedings, both attorneys opt to keep their former relationship a secret from the Attorney General (Jim Broadbent).

But that’s not the only secret being kept, as their client appears to be connected to Britain’s top spy agency: MI5.

With a competent cast and a promising plot, Closed Circuit gradually deteriorates under its predictable antagonist, its ho-hum suspense and dearth of sexual tension between leads.

Furthermore, every female lawyer has seen her male counterpart in  debriefs.  Red Light

***A Court(ing) of Law***

Legal Eagles

The reason no one dates personal injury lawyers is because they only want to promenade in front of businesses with icy sidewalks.

Luckily, the lawyer in this comedy/thriller is sleeping with a client, not a colleague.

Assistant D.A. Tom (Robert Redford) decides to help attorney Laura (Debra Winger) defend Chelsea (Daryl Hannah) against charges she stole a painting from an art dealer (Terence Stamp).

Adamant her father gave her the painting before his suspicious death - and destruction of his art collection - Chelsea not only convinces Tom but seduces him as well.

But when a dubious cop (Brian Dennehy) uncovers the entire collection intact, it threatens Tom’s career and his life.

Crackling with comedic repartee, a fiery May/December romance and an unpredicted adversary, Legal Eagles may be clichéd but it’s not without its charms.

Incidentally, if you’re going to sleep with anyone in the court system - make it a judge.

He’s a Basket Case Closed. He’s the…

Vidiot