Be Kind, Please Rewind

He’s Making Outroads. He’s the…

Vidiot

Week of November 8, 2013

My work here is overdone. First up…

Grown Ups 2

The best part of being a grown up is that you can buy alcohol for your under-age girlfriend.

Thankfully, the adults in the comedy are married to fellow grown ups.

Desperate to relive his childhood, Lenny (Adam Sandler) moves his wife (Salma Hayek) and children to his Connecticut hometown.

Reunited with grade school buddies Eric (Kevin James), Kurt (Chris Rock) and Higgins (David Spade), Lenny plans to make this summer the most memorable.

But for that to happen the gang must endure a childhood bully (Steve Astin), rowdy frat boys (Taylor Lautner, Milo Ventimiglia), an estranged son (Alexander Ludwig) and angry wives (Maya Rudolph, Maria Bello).

The unwarranted sequel to the awful original, Grown Ups 2 foregoes plot for the sake of puerile pranks perpetrated by formerly funny comedians.

Besides, growing up doesn’t mean you have to stop being a kid, it just means you can't be tried as one.  Red Light

White House Down

The upside to being an African American President is that if you are ever taken hostage, the authorities will actually negotiate for your release.

However, the higher-ups in this action movie cannot be trusted.

While U.S. Capitol Police officer John Cale (Channing Tatum) is touring the White House with his estranged daughter (Joey King), Pennsylvania Avenue is attacked by homegrown terrorists lead by a civil servant (James Woods).

During the melee, Cale comes to the aid of the president (Jamie Foxx), who is required by the gunmen to launch nuclear weapons.

Meanwhile, to avert an air strike, his daughter broadcasts vital Intel to the outside world via her Youtube channel.

Mired in patriotic rhetoric, green-screen action and an ignominious Obama impersonation from Jamie Foxx, White House Down doesn’t hide its hostage movie inspiration or it’s hackneyed plot twists.

Besides, forget launch codes - get the president’s keys to the Roswell UFO.  Red Light

Lovelace 

Before pornography was peddled to women as shoddily written Twilight fan-fiction, it was shown to men on 16mm film.

Either way, as this biography proves, both were profitable.

Straight-laced Linda Boreman (Amanda Seyfried) and her girlfriend (Juno Temple) take a go-go dancing gig at a roller rink.

On stage, Linda attracts the attention of Chuck Traynor (Peter Sarsgaard) who goads her into introducing him to her parents (Sharon Stone, Robert Patrick) - confident they will approve of him.

Chuck’s charm does its job, and soon enough they’re married.

Impressed with her oral skills, he lands Linda the lead in a porno titled Deep Throat.

A mainstream success, Linda’s life is commandeered by Chuck and navigated into a world of forced prostitution and physical abuse.

Erupting with cameos, this stylistic take on Linda’s sad sex-life is well acted, cleverly directed and brutally detailed.

However, who wants to watch a porno about Watergate?  Green Light

***Shallow Throat***

Dick

The White House would make an excellent setting for a porno, with all of its dick-heads, pussies and assholes.

Unfortunately, the Deep Throat in this comedy is really a whistleblower.

On the White House tour, Betsy (Kirsten Dunst) and Arlene (Michelle Williams) are whisked away by G. Gordon Liddy (Harry Shearer) and interrogated on their accidental involvement in Watergate.

Dumb but dangerous, President Nixon (Dan Hedaya) appoints them White House dog-walkers.

Around the oval office, however, they continue to unknowingly influence the course of history.

When dismissed from office, they decide to tell-all to Woodward (Will Ferrell) and Bernstein (Bruce McCulloch) under an assumed name inspired by a blue movie.

A witty re-imagining of the Watergate scandal, Dick has enough history to be educational, and enough laughs to make history tolerable.

Incidentally, the only ones having sex in the White House during Nixon’s reign was Checkers and Spiro Agnew’s leg.

He's Spread Bald Eagle. He's the...

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