Be Kind, Please Rewind

He’s the Mocking Dead. He’s the…

 Vidiot

Week of September 20, 2013

Zombie brain surgeons are a conflict of interest. First up…

World War Z

The upside to fighting a war against zombies is their Navy and Air Force are utterly pathetic.

Unfortunately, the father in this horror movie has to fend off the ground troop zombies.

Ex-UN inspector Gerry (Brad Pitt), his wife (Mireille Enos) and daughters (Sterling Jerins, Abigail Hargrove) narrowly escape a walking dead outbreak in Philadelphia.

Escorted to a US naval ship, Gerry is briefed on the military’s belief that the epidemic is viral in nature, and can be cured.

But to do so, they need him to travel to Jerusalem and isolate the pathogen amid hordes of the living dead. 

Based on the bestseller by Max Brooks, World War Z vaguely resembles its literary companion.

Instead, this listless adaptation is more akin to a patchwork of expeditious but unexceptional undead, tired clichés and an obvious whimper of an ending.

Incidentally, America’s best defense against any brain-eating enemy is the Marines.  0

The Bling Ring

The ironic thing about stealing jewelry from Hollywood starlets is most of it's probably shoplifted.

Either way, the thieves in this dramedy want them.

When troubled teen Marc (Israel Broussard) is sent to an alternative high school in California, he aligns himself with star-struck Rebecca (Katie Chang).

Bored with just looking at accessories in magazines, the pair pilfers the palatial estate of Marc’s family friend.

High on the experience - and the stolen cocaine - the duo decides to raise the caliber of victim and rob Paris Hilton’s home.

This time, Rebecca’s celebrity obsessed friends (Emma Watson, Taissa Farmiga, Claire Julien) join them.

Based on true events, director Sofia Coppola does a fine job of capturing the superficial and imprudent nature of today’s youth, but that doesn’t make the story any less languid.

Besides, it would’ve been more lucrative to do like Kim Kardashian and just steal Paris Hilton’s limelight.  0

The East

For anyone who eats out of the garbage: Don’t waste your time looking in fat people’s trash.

Luckily, the freegans in this thriller know where the wasteful folks live.

Ex-FBI agent Sarah (Brit Marling) has brought her expertise to the corporate sector - protecting big business from subversives.

When her boss (Patricia Clarkson) gets wind of a group of ecological activists calling themselves The East, she deplores Sarah on her first mission as a mole.

Adopting a hobo lifestyle, Sarah rides the rails until she meets a member of the anarchist cell (Shiloh Fernandez).

Over time, Sarah convinces him to take her to their leader, Benji (Alexander Skarsgård) and his followers (Ellen Page, Toby Kebbell).

The East is a compelling exposition of an offbeat subculture enmeshed in political intrigue, eco-terrorism and a superfluous love triangle. 

As for freegan dating advise: first date should always be a nice Italian restaurant dumpster.  0

***Zomboni***

Dead Snow 

Without the spoils, war would just be senseless killing.

Which is why the absurd brutality in this horror movie revolves around war profiteering.

Sara (Ane Dahl Torp), her boyfriend Vegard (Lasse Valdal) and their friends (Jeppe Laursen, Evy Kasseth Røsten, Charlotte Frogner, Stig Frode Henriksen, Jenny Skavlan, Vegar Hoel) head to her family cabin in a remote Norwegian mountain range.

Amid their partying, the group’s visited by a vagabond (Bjørn Sundquist), who tells them of the Nazis soldiers that once robbed the villagers below, until they were forced into the mountains.

The traveler’s tale holds true, as the gang later unearths Nazis treasure.

This discovery, however, evokes the reanimated corpses of the gold-hungry Nazis.

Inspired by the Western horror movies it constantly references, Dead Snow strikes an exceptional balance between slapstick and spatter flick.

Incidentally, German zombies don’t eat your brains until they’re ground up and encased in animal intestine.

He’s a Zombie Keeper. He’s the…

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