Be Kind, Please Rewind

He’s Dead Weightlessness. He’s the…

Vidiot

Week of September 13, 2013

Lead clogs are the footwear of the future. First up…

Star Trek Into Darkness

The advantage to being a Vulcan is you don’t need any ear prosthetics to cosplay as an elf.

However, the pointy-eared extraterrestrial in this sci-fi movie isn’t interested in infantile costume parties.

After risking his crew (Karl Urban, Simon Pegg, Zoe Saldana, John Cho, Anton Yelchin) to save his first officer, Spock (Zachary Quinto), Captain Kirk (Chris Pine) is reprimanded by his superiors, Admiral Pike (Bruce Greenwood) and Admiral Marcus (Peter Weller), and striped of starship command.

But when a genetically enhanced Starfleet officer, Harrison (Benedict Cumberbatch), attacks Starfleet Headquarters, Kirk is deployed on a manhunt, armed with photon torpedoes carrying an unsettling Starfleet secret.

While there is tons of space action, admirable performances, and nods to franchise canon, this sequel’s shoot-first mentality is the antithesis of Gene Roddenberry’s vision.

If the old show had half as much violence as Star Trek Into Darkness than non-losers would have watched it.  0

Tyler Perry Presents Peeples

When meeting your girlfriend’s family for the first time, it’s important to establish dominance early by shanking the patriarch.

Unfortunately, the bewildered beau in this comedy didn’t stab the dad.

Slighted that his girlfriend Grace (Kerry Washington) didn’t invite him up to the Hamptons for her family reunion, Wade (Craig Robinson) surprises her by showing up.

Welcomed by her mother (Diahann Carroll), a former singer, Grace’s sister (Kali Hawk), a secret lesbian, and her brother (Tyler James Williams), a wannabe rock star, Wade’s only holdout is her father (David Alan Grier).

What’s worse, everything he does to impress Mr. Peeples ends up an unmitigated disaster.

A blatant and woefully unfunny rip-off of Meet the Parents, Peeples is perforated with Tyler Perry’s brand of dime store family psychology and preachy principles.

Besides, if your girlfriend can afford the Hamptons, the real family member you have to win over is the nanny.  0

***Starfleeting Moments***

Wild, Wild Planet

The best thing about fighting in space is weightlessness makes it easy to drag the dead bodies.

However, the bodies in this sci-fi movie aren’t exactly human…anymore.

In a not-too-distant future, citizens are being abducted by mutated humanoids, shrunken down to doll size and transported to the laboratory of a scientist, Mr. Nurmi (Massimo Serato), who is intent on creating a superior race of humans.

United Democracies Space Command will not tolerate these experiments, so they send Cmdr. Mike Halstead (Tony Russell) and his crew (Franco Nero, Lisa Gastoni, Carlo Giustini) to stop them.

When they arrive, Commander and company find themselves candidates for the doctor’s demented eugenics.

Jam-packed with 1960s camp, this Italian space romp has the era’s hairdos and décor down, while the decade’s drug culture is represented in the way-out script.  

Prophetically enough, the bodies of future humans have been physically altered…with hundreds of excess pounds. 

He Takes up Too Much Outer-space. He’s the…

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