He’s a Dark Energy Drinker. He’s the…
Vidiot
Week of August 9, 2013
Space: The Oxygen-less Frontier. First up…
Oblivion
The worst part of returning to post-nuclear war Earth is forgetting to bring your overdue library books with you.
Thankfully, the survivor in this sci-fi movie returns routinely.
Stationed with his co-worker (Andrea Riseborough) above the blue planet, Jack (Tom Cruise) commutes there daily to repair the drones that protect the power supply to the main space hub from aliens called Scavs.
One day, Jack saves the passenger (Olga Kurylenko) of a fallen spacecraft who claims to be his wife.
Later, they’re captured by the Scavs (Morgan Freeman, Nikolaj Coster-Waldau, Zoë Bell) who aren’t the monsters they thought.
Forced to question everything he believes, Jack’s foggy memories of his life before on Earth become crystal clear.
With slick spaceships and way-out weaponry, Oblivion has an innovative aesthetic. Unfortunately, the story is too familiar and, thus, predictable.
Besides, the only people remotely interested in visiting post-apocalyptic Earth are Young-adult fiction fans. 0
The Place Beyond the Pines
Honestly, the best business to build beyond the pines would be a toothpick/chopstick/canoe paddle factory.
Unfortunately, this drama doesn’t even consider clear-cutting the pines.
When Luke (Ryan Gosling), a traveling circus stunt motorcyclist, learns he has a son with Romina (Eva Mendes), he quits the big top and begins robbing banks on his bike to support them.
After one heist, Luke’s accidentally killed by a beat cop Avery (Bradley Cooper), who is branded a hero by his superior (Ray Liotta).
Fifteen years later, Avery’s running for office and his son AJ (Emory Cohen) is getting into mischief with Luke’s boy Jason (Dane DeHaan).
Though a finely acted account of fathers and their influence on their sons, Pines’ is also a solemn saga that struggles to segue from crime-caper to family epic.
Incidentally, if you were to rob a bank with a circus-owned vehicle, wouldn’t a clown car be more logical? 0
Mud
To test whether someone is a bum or just down on their luck: give them a bottle of fabric softener and see if they drink it.
Unfortunately, the teen boys in this mystery gave their nomadic friend non-alcoholic sustenance.
Mississippi River rats Ellis (Tye Sheridan) and Neckbone (Jacob Lofland) go to an island to salvage a boat wedged in a tree.
When they arrive, they realize it’s inhabited by Mud (Matthew McConaughey), a drifter who needs the vessel more than they do.
Compromising, the boys make a deal to help Mud repair the vessel in exchange for his firearm.
As they toil away, he tells them of his true love (Reese Witherspoon) and the man he killed to protect her from.
Seamlessly embroidering Mark Twain coming-of-age concepts with hard-boiled crime-fiction characters, Mud is a strange amalgamation of poignancy and brutality.
What’s more, I fully support homeless people living on boats. 0
***Arts & Rafts***
The Adventures of Mark Twain
When accompanying an American Humorist, it’s imperative you never mention how funny British Humorists are.
Luckily, Mark Twain’s guests in this stop-motion movie are from the South.
Rendezvousing with Halley's comet, author Mark Twain (James Whitmore) welcomes three Mississippians, Tom Sawyer (Chris Ritchie), Huck Finn (Gary Krug) and Becky Thatcher (Michele Mariana), aboard his futurist airship.
While they coast the air currents, Captain Twain regales them with a menagerie of short stories ranging from jumping frogs to Adam and Eve.
Meanwhile, the airship careens closer to the comet’s tail, approaching Twain's ultimate objective.
While the claymation can be construed as being too creepy, it is nonetheless well rendered, and lends its self wonderfully to the unorthodox vignettes, which are based on Twain’s own work.
In the end though, all we can do is hope that that is a comet they’re chasing, and not frozen sewage from MIR reentering the atmosphere.
He’s a Space Shuttlecock. He’s the…
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