Be Kind, Please Rewind

He’s an AWOL Flower. He’s the…

Vidiot

Week of August 1, 2013

Is it still deserting if your compass is broken? First up…

G.I. Joe: Retaliation

Oh, no! When America gets revenge on another country it either means a decade long war, atomic bombings or boycotting their Olympics.

Thankful, this action movie is rooted in fiction so Sochi 2014 is still a go.

On the behest of the Cobra agent (Arnold Vosloo) posing as the President (Jonathan Pryce), Duke (Channing Tatum), Roadblock (Dwayne Johnson), Lady Jaye (Adrianne Palicki, and Flint (D.J. Cotrona) are framed as traitors and left for dead.

Elsewhere, Storm Shadow (Byung-hun Lee) and Firefly (Ray Stevenson) liberate Cobra Commander from Joe confinement so they can carry out world domination.

But with help from an ex-Joe (Bruce Willis), the remaining members hope to even the score. 

Lacking the tongue-in-cheek temperament of its predecessor, Retaliation replaces it with unrelenting violence, flat one-liners, and superfluous star-power offering nothing but face recognition.

Besides, it’s sad knowing that someday all G.I. Joes will suffer from posttraumatic stress disorder.  0

 

On the Road

The key to surviving on the road is to never sleep on the actual road.

Fortunately, the lost souls in this drama were given the same advice before they hit the road.

After his father’s death, struggling writer Sal (Sam Riley) is introduced to free-spirited Dean (Garrett Hedlund), a kindred soul interested in writing, Jazz music and drug use.

Eventually, Sal hitches a ride to California where he picks pick cotton, searching for inspiration.

He ultimately finds it when he and Dean cruise post-WWII America, visiting beatniks (Viggo Mortensen, Amy Adams) and sleeping with an array of lovers (Kristen Stewart, Kirsten Dunst, Steve Buscemi).

Based on Jack Kerouac’s book, this independent film adaptation of the meditative material has the gifted performers to bring the characters to life, but not the wherewithal to steer this aimless voyage.  

Incidentally, the only thing Americans hated more than beatniks after WWII were the Japanese.  0

***Canada Armed***

Northern Pursuit

The reason Canadians didn’t fight the Japanese during WWII was because they had them all locked in internment camps.

And while Japanese-Canadians were never a threat, the axis members in this action movie were.

RCMP Corporal Wagner (Errol Flynn) and his partner (John Ridgely) capture a Nazis Colonel (Helmut Dantine).

On discovering Cpl. Wagner is of German ancestry, Herr Colonel asks him to join him. Later, when the Colonel escapes, Cpl. Wagner does.

Together, with Native guides, they recover a German bomber that had been stashed in northern Manitoba before the war.

Now, the only person who can stop Jerry from air-bombarding Canadian waterways is the two-timing Mountie, who’s been working undercover.

Using Idaho’s snowcapped mountains to represent the prairie terrain of the Keystone Province, Northern Pursuit is a geographical joke. Fortunately, its spy-thriller theatrics are entertaining.

Besides, how can the world’s top two beer consuming countries not get along?

He’s a Bumbardier. He’s the…

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