Be Kind, Please Rewind

He’s a Collector’s Itemizer. He’s the…

Vidiot

Week of April 5, 2013

Collections are complete when your wife leaves you. First up…

The Collection

When collecting, it’s important not to store your matchbooks next to your antique gas can and golden age comic book collections.

Luckily, the accumulator in this horror movie only likes to amass organic items.

Former captive - and only person to escape the homicidal Collector (Randall Archer) - Arkin (Josh Stewart) is hired by the father (Christopher McDonald) of the madman’s most recent kidnap victim (Erin Way) to show his squad of hired killers (Lee Tergesen, Shannon Kane, Andre Royo) where his daughter is being kept.

But when Arkin is tricked into re-entering the labyrinthine interior of The Collector’s abandoned booby-trapped hotel, he finds himself facing off with the masked torturer once again.

Revealing more about the sadistic stockpiler and his nightmarish mélange of human prey, The Collection expands on the lore and also maintains the gore.

However, the problem with collecting humans are all of the weirdos that attend the conventions.  0

John Dies at the End

The worst part of a title telling you when a character’s going to die is that you can’t go on the Internet and spoil it for everyone.

However, the heading of this horror/comedy is a misnomer.

David (Chase Williamson) recants for a writer (Paul Giamatti) a bizarre escapade with his friend John (Rob Mayes) that involves a hallucinogenic drug that sends users on trans-dimensional journeys.

The two burnouts, however, turn out to be two anomalies that can travel between parallel universes without returning as monsters.

Their ability to accomplish this feat attracts the Lovecraftian leviathan Korrok, who wishes to absorb their powers through mastication.

Based on the cult novel, John Dies at the End doesn’t translate well to the screen: its leads are lifeless, its storyline convoluted and its humour cornball at best.

Besides, every reality in the multiverse has the same stuff in it - it’s just a different colour.  0

Hemingway & Gellhorn

Writers make excellent lovers because they are amazing at climaxes.

However, when they are two writers in the relationship - as in this biography - the plot gets lost. 

After a brief but memorable encounter in a Florida watering hole, war correspondent Martha Gellhorn (Nicole Kidman) and celebrated author Ernest Hemingway (Clive Owen) become smitten.

Their paths don’t across again until the Spanish Civil War. This time Gellhorn is covering it for Collier's magazine, while Hemingway is narrating a leftist propaganda picture.

During a bombing raid, the two share a hotel room that ultimately ignites their volatile partnership.

But with Gellhorn’s star on the rise and Hemingway feeling slighted, he strikes out in a sadistic manner.

A torrid tale of competing companions, Hemingway and Gellhorn are fascinating characters, but their portrayals, and the film’s overall aesthetic, can be hammy.

Incidentally, writer couples mainly squabbling about who gets to off themselves first.  0    

***Hot Pocket Universe***

The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai Across the 8th Dimension

The worst part of traveling to another dimension is that no matter what kind of clothes you pack, everything will be out of style.

Fortunately, the attire of the adventurers in this sci-fi/comedy is entirely eclectic.

When super-star scientist Buckaroo Banzai (Peter Weller) drives his Jet Car through the side of a mountain by passing through the 8th dimension, his feat attracts the attention of an earthbound alien Lord Whorfin (John Lithgow), whose Red Army is working on a means of accessing the lost dimension.

Now, Banzai and his five companions (Jeff Goldblum, Clancy Brown, Billy Vera, Lewis Smith, Pepe Serna) must thwart Whorfin and his Black Army adversaries from annihilating earth in a cross-dimensional feud.

A hodge-podge of sub-genres, Buckaroo Banzai is steeped in sci-fi and pulp sensibilities, which lends well to its zany space invasion plotline.  

As for pocket universes, they make ideal locations for dumping our garbage.

He’s Multiversatile. He’s the…

Vidiot