Vidiot
Week of February 15, 2013
I can never keep a secret agent. First up…
Skyfall
The quandary with a British man dressed in a tuxedo is that everyone naturally assumes he is a butler.
Thankfully, the dabber chap in this action movie is no footman.
Presumed dead after a botched mission to recover a list of undercover agents, James Bond (Daniel Craig) returns from exile to assist M (Judi Dench) in the wake of an attack on MI6 headquarters.
Barely passing his physical, Bond’s reinstated in the agency and assigned to the Orient.
There, he meets the mastermind (Javier Bardem) behind the stolen Intel: an ex-agent intent on killing M.
To protect her, Bond employs his childhood home as refuge.
Revealing more about Bond than ever before, this 23rd installment is not only Craig’s best, but, thanks to a tight script and accomplished director, the series’ as well.
Incidentally, when visiting the home of a spy you should remove your shoe bombs at the door. 0
Silent Hill Revelation 3D
The best way to evade a pursuing cult is to have them follow you into the annual polygamists’ convention.
Unfortunately, the father/daughter duo is this horror movie didn’t distract their detractors with creepy kiosks.
Starting at another new school under yet another assumed name, Heather/Sharon (Adelaide Clemens) quickly establishes herself as a loner.
When her dad (Sean Bean) is spirited away to a dreamland called Silent Hill, she and her new friend Vincent (Kit Harrington) follow him - bringing along an amulet that will herald in the birth of the cult’s demonic deity.
The unwarranted sequel to the 2006 adaptation of the popular game, Revelation is no surprise. While it adheres to the origin, it lacks its predecessor’s nightmarish quality. Not to mention a serious dearth of meaningful 3D scenes.
Besides, when your dad’s lost in a video-game realm it’s best to call his sponsor at World of Warcraft Anonymous. 0
The Perks of Being a Wall Flower
Just like prison, to get respect when entering a new school, it’s best to shank the most popular kid in your class.
Unfortunately, the only thing that the high school freshman in this drama is attacking is English Lit.
Perplexed by the social shift of his classmates as they enter high school, aspiring writer Charlie (Logan Lerman) finds himself alone at lunch.
Embarrassed that his teacher (Paul Rudd) is his only friend, he reaches out to a disliked senior (Ezra Miller), who not only introduces him to partying but also his stepsister (Emma Watson).
But just as Charlie learns to let go, his blackouts begin to disclose a dark family secret.
While the idea of a moody teen novelist is old hat, Charlie’s struggle to find his place in the world is genuine and germane.
Incidentally, the only people interested in reading stories written by disenfranchised teenagers are Hollywood executives. 0
The Man with the Iron Fists
When you’re known as The Man with the Iron Fists, it’s inevitable your nickname will someday be “the man who crushed his own penis”.
Thankfully, for the aptly named warrior in this action movie that day hasn’t come.
When the local blacksmith (RZA) is caught in-between the village’s warring Lion clan, he looses his hands.
Forging ironclad imitations that he manipulates with mind powers molded by Chinese monks, the Blacksmith, along with an envoy for the Emperor (Russell Crowe), help the son of the murdered clan leader reclaim gold stolen by his father’s treacherous lieutenants.
But first they must best the armored epidermis of the assassin Brass Body (David Bautista).
Despite it’s numerous dips into camp, Iron Fists' a rousing homage to the traditional kung-fu movie mixed with an invigorating injection of hip-hop and over-the-top mysticism.
Nevertheless, everyone’s glad the clan never hacked off the hands of the village dildo maker. 0
***Coming of Agent***
Agent Cody Banks
When undercover at a high school it is important to remember that you cannot use that fact to get laid by students.
However, not even that Intel could get the pint-sized spy in this action movie a date.
When 15-year-old CIA agent Cody Banks (Frankie Muniz) is assigned to shadow high school student Natalie (Hilary Duff) - the daughter of a scientist employed by an organization (Ian McShane, Arnold Vosloo) planning to use nanotechnology to take control of the world - he finds it difficult to approach her.
So, before Cody can capture the criminals, he must first get help from his fellow operatives in order to master the art of talking to the opposite sex.
Thanks to its goofy scenarios and kooky gadgets, this obvious James Bond knock-off for kids can be construed as being a somewhat entertaining family movie.
In reality, however, younger agents typically go undercover in child porn rings.
He Drives a Covert-able. He’s the…
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