Be Kind, Please Rewind

He’s an Imperfect 10. He’s the…

Vidiot

Week of Ten Years (November 9, 2012)

The first decade is always the stickiest. First up…

The Amazing Spider-Man

You’d think someone with the abilities of a spider would also gain their fear of feet and rolled-up newspapers. 

However, the spider-like teenager in this action movie is unflappable around all splatter methods.

After a genetically altered spider bites him, high school pariah Peter Parker (Andrew Garfield) gains the attributes of an arachnid and becomes the costumed Spider-Man.

Elsewhere, a key element to bonding human/animal genes discovered by Peter’s dead dad (Campbell Scott) turns Dr. Connors (Rhys Ifans) into a rampaging lizard.

When Connors plans to turn everyone in the city into an amphibian like him, Peter, his girlfriend (Emma Stone), and her father (Denis Leary) scramble to prevent it.

Embodying Parker’s awkwardness and Spidey’s wiriness, Garfield is perfectly cast. The darker tone, origin reiteration and mundane villain, however, don’t stick.

Besides, if producing cobwebs is what it takes to be a super-hero than any grandmother’s crotch could be one.  0

Arthur Christmas

The hardest part of being the son of Santa Claus is accepting the inevitability that you will probably die wedged in a chimney.

Fortunately, the offspring of the over-sized elf in this animated adventure don’t have to worry about inheriting the family business.

Set to retire and hand the mantle of Santa to his eldest son Steve (Hugh Laurie), Malcolm Claus (Jim Broadbent) opts to stay on as St. Nick.

But Steve’s animosity is overshadowed by news that Malcolm has overlooked a child on Christmas Eve.

Not wanting to soil Santa’s stature, Malcolm’s youngest son Arthur (James McAvoy), his Grand-Santa (Bill Nighy) and a gift-wrapping elf (Ashley Jensen) set out to set things right.

Britain’s cheeky interpretation of Father Christmas’ lineage, Arthur Christmas is a clever, comical and comforting take on the old chap and his complex brood.    

However, everybody already knows that Santa Claus is just really old Jesus.  0

***The Cash Crusader***

Richie Rich’$ Christmas Wish

You would think that being bitten by a radioactive $100 bill would be the basis of an affluent comic book character.

However, the only power the world’s richest kid in this family-comedy possesses is that of financial persuasion.

After his envious cousin Reggie Van Dough (Jake Richardson) sabotages Richie Rich (David Gallagher) and his butler Cadbury’s (Keene Curtis) sleigh, and slanders him around town, Richie uses a wish machine - cooked up by one of his scientists - to wish he’d never been born.

Trapped in a world where Reggie is now the richest and meanest kid in the world, Richie races to obtain the dinosaur fossil that will fuel this alternate realities disengaged wishing machine.

With a story that borrows heavily from superior seasonal fare and a cast of no names replacing the noteworthy originals, Richie Rich’$ Christmas Wish is bankrupt.

As for my Christmas wish: no Christmas until December 1.

He’s Beginning to Bear Fruit Cake. He’s the…

Vidiot

 **********************************************************

A lot has changed since my fellow scientists and I kidnapped a troglodyte from his cave, christened him The Vidiot, forced him to watch new releases and review them for science. 

While I forget the purpose of the experiment - as my colleagues and I lost interest after a week - apparently he kept going after we left the laboratory/storage locker.

10 years later, the lease is up on the locker, and here we are. 

Congratulations, Vidiot, on wasting a decade of sciences' time and $47 million in tax-payers money.           

 The first Vidiot 

Uncut. Uncouth. Uncomfortable.

From his greasy hands to your boring Weekend.........It's time for the Vid Idiot.

The week of November 5, 2002

Whoa,Whoa!!!! Let me catch my breath. Jeez after last weeks Debut (Debiew. if your french) of that Wacky wall crawler Spider-Man, I'm worn out. And now it's, mid-to-almost over, of the end of this week and the New Arrivals are straggling...

1. For the Ladies: The Divine Ya-Ya-Ya Fucking Sisterhood shit, some club or gang ....... Didn't see it.

2. for the gents: It's a toss up in-between the full dvd mini series of the hit war drama "Band of Brothers" or "Ghetto Dawg".... Represent, Yo.

3. for all the "art crowd"- there's "the dangerous lives of alter boys", a hokey piece of coming of age story about two best friends who pull pranks and stuff on, mean old Jodie Foster the nun at the catholic school. The idea was there, but for some reason it made me want to eat fuck.

If you like quirky, "stand by me", "oh, no! My best friend got eating by a tiger, bull shit movies; then it's right up your alley. For me the coming of age movie genre ended with Ghost World. All that follow are just crap.

**************PICK OF THE WEEK********

Nothing buffers nicely between Spider-Man and Attack of the Clones then PUMPKIN a quirky, comedy about sorority sister Christina Ricci falling in love with the retarded boy she is mentoring; to win best sorority on campus.

If you like "heathers," with a dash of "legally blonde". It's a fun movie with some serious under tones and great moody music. I liked it so much I even paid for the late without whining.

The only bad thing I've heard bad about it came from Stephen McLean who said "there weren't enough "real" retarded people in it."

Hey if that's the only bad thing you can say about a movie, then it must a pretty good fucking movie.

                 'Til next time my greasy hand touches your soft skin in a sales transaction.......... I'm the Vid Idiot