Be Kind, Please Rewind

He’s an Infrared Menace. He’s the…

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Week of November 23, 2012

War is the only way to end peace. First up…

The Expendables 2

The worst part of being the expendable one on a team of mercenaries is they don’t even give you a gun to use.

Luckily, the ensemble in this action movie can all kill with their meat hooks.

Barney (Sylvester Stallone) and his band of undesirable assassins (Jason Statham, Liam Hemsworth, Jet Li, Dolph Lundgren, Terry Crews, Randy Couture) are assigned by a CIA agent (Bruce Willis) to salvage lost Intel on buried plutonium.

The mission becomes personal, however, when the condottiere (Jean-Claude Van Damme) of a competing posse of professionals kills Barney’s youngest crewmember, and hijacks the Intel in hopes of retrieving the radioactive element for financial gain.

Featuring a cavalcade of cameos (Chuck Norris, Arnold Schwarzenegger), this sequel not only sustains its precursors star power, and penchant for carnage, but also it’s dreadful dialogue.

However, it’s great to see these elderly action stars fighting someone other than their ex-wives.  0

Lawless

The sign of a good batch of moonshine is that you can no longer see signs of any type…because you are blind.

Vision, however, is vital when transporting hooch like the brothers in this action movie.

When Special Deputy Rakes (Guy Pearce) leans on The Bondurant Brothers - Jack (Shia LaBeouf), Forrest (Tom Hardy) and Howard (Jason Clarke) - for a piece of their moonshine money, they ignore his threats.

But when Rake lays a vicious beating down on Jack, Forrest’s throat is slit, and their distillation shack raided, the brother’s have no choice but to fight the law.

Caught in the crosshairs, unfortunately, are Forrest and Jack’s girlfriends (Jessica Chastain, Mia Wasikowska). 

Based on a true story, Lawless is a gripping portrayal of the brutality that the prohibition era begot, with superb performances to boot.

Incidentally, rumor has it the 3rd Bondurant brother was only a moonshine induced hallucination.  0

The Apparition

A great way to profit off of that uneven circular table that you have lying around is to hold bogus Séances for mourning dowagers.

Unfortunately, the spiritual communiqué in this horror movie is purely scientific.

When a group of co-eds, Ben (Sebastian Stan), Patrick (Tom Felton), Lydia (Julianna Guill) and Greg (Luke Pasqualino), conduct a psychic séance similar to one held 40-years earlier, they open a portal for a spiteful spirit.

Later, Ben and his girlfriend, Kelly (Ashley Greene), begin to experience strange occurrences in their new home.

Overtime, Kelly learns of the séance, and of the entity they released, now she and Ben must escape its ubiquitous grasp.

Suffering from a deficiency of tension, twists and character development, The Apparition fails to materialize as a horror of any merit.

Besides, the only thing that will haunt you after a private séance is the psychic’s fee on your credit card.  0

***A New Brave World***

The Manitou

For a White woman, the best part of being possessed by a Native American is that she can wear Mukluks guilt-free.

However, the vessel in this horror movie is more concerned with her survival.

When his ex-assistant, Karen (Susan Strasberg), comes to him with a protuberance, psychic charlatan Harry (Tony Curtis) finds his skepticism challenged.

When an attempt to remove the growth from Karen’s neck is made, Harry discovers that he is facing the fetus of a hundred-year old Native American Shaman hell-bent on being reborn.

With help from a medicine man (Michael Ansara), Harry must prevent the Manitou from gaining strength and amalgamating with The Devil.

Graphic for its time, and eerie at any age, The Manitou not only tackles Native Rights but also embraces their belief that everything has a spirit.

In fact, according to Native legend, the only earthbound entity without a soul is the White man. 

He’s got the Powwow Factor. He’s the…

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