Be Kind, Please Rewind

He’s a Two-Toed Sleuth. He’s the…

Vidiot

Week of June 15, 2012

The game is a foot? First up…

Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows

CSI in the 1800s wasn’t as glamorous as today. Back then, all semen found at the crime scene had to be tested by the detective’s own tongue.

Which explains why the Victorian era England depicted in this action movie only has one super sleuth.

Recovering a letter from a doctor murdered at the behest of Professor Moriarty (Jared Harris), investigator extraordinary Sherlock Holmes (Robert Downey, Jr.) and his steadfast sidekick Dr. Watson (Jude Law) follow the clues found in the correspondence to a fortune-teller (Noomi Rapace).

There, they learn that her brother, an anarchist, has been dispatching bombs throughout Paris as part of the professor’s diabolical plot to profit off of a world war.

More focused than its predecessor, Game of Shadows highlights Holmes’ humanity, while continuing on the tradition of slow-motion action sequences and homosexual overtones.

Besides, who would have a better eye for detail than a gay detective?   0

Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance

Even if you had a flaming skull, cars would still cut-off your motorcycle, claiming that they couldn’t see it.

However, if they cut-off the biker in this action movie, they had better have brimstone coverage for their vehicle.

Isolated from the western world, Johnny Blaze (Nicholas Cage) wars with the spirit of vengeance, which seizes control of his body when a crime has been committed. 

Approached by a priest (Idris Elba) promising to reverse this demonic curse, Johnny agrees to help him locate a woman and child before the Devil (Ciarán Hinds) does.

But with the Devil’s new creation Blackout on the child’s trail, Blaze’s alter ego faces an opponent capable of causing rapid decay.

While the violence in this sequel has been amplified, so too, has Cage’s over-the-top portrayal of Marvels Comics’ menacing motorcyclist. 

Besides, if Ghost Rider is like most bikers, he’s just an accountant at heart.  0

***You Win Some, You Dim Sum***

Chinatown

The best part about being a private detective is you get to sleep with your female clients before you have them arrested for murder.

And while the woman who hires the sleuth in this mystery isn’t the criminal, she isn’t being truthful either.

Hired to tail her husband, chief engineer of water and power, who she suspects of cheating, private eye Jake Gittes (Jack Nicholson) does his job in spades.

But when the real Evelyn Mulwray (Faye Dunaway) shows up at his office, and the body of her husband shows up at the morgue, Gittes finds himself in murder mystery involving L.A.’s most precious commodity of the 1930s: water.

With a renowned script, an infamous director, and an unexpected ending, Chinatown’s earned its place at the head of the whodunit genre.

Besides, so long as the suspect is over 6 foot, there should be no trouble finding them in Chinatown.

He’s a Chinatown Councilor. He’s the… 

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