Be Kind, Please Rewind

He’s a Bird Brainiac. He’s the…

Vidiot

Week of August 5, 2011

To a caged bird, jail would be an upgrade. First up…

Rio

When smuggling exotic birds into the country, before concealing them under your overcoat, it’s important to first line yourself with old newspapers.

However, the feather filchers in this animated-adventure have opted out of adhering wild birds to their person.

Born in Brazil, but smuggled to Minnesota via the illegal exotic bird trade, Blu (Jesse Eisenberg) grows up never knowing how to fly.

His first experience, in fact, is on an airplane back to Rio, with his owner (Leslie Mann) and an ornithologist (Rodrigo Santoro), to repopulate his species.

Once there, he gets entangled with a freedom fixated macaw (Anne Hathaway), whose recklessness lands them in hot water with three local traffickers and their crazy Cockatoo (Jemaine Clement).

While Brazil’s culture and colours are well represented in its renderings, Rio's story line and supporting-cast are nothing more than stock cartoon fare.

Besides, real Brazilians aren’t interested in stealing birds...they’re into kidnapping.  0

Soul Surfer

The reason sharks only take one bite out of surfers is because they get too paranoid off the THC levels in their blood.

And while the wave-rider in this drama isn’t a stoner, she did survive a shark-attack with only a minor flesh wound.

Bred by her parents (Denis Quad, Helen Hunt) to shoot the curl, Hawaiian-born Bethany Hamilton (AnnaSophia Robb) takes to the sport like a pro.

Unfortunately, her lifelong dream of being a professional female surfer is threatened when a random shark separates her left arm from her body.

Still compelled to compete in surf contests, Bethany eventually learns to overcome her obstacle and get back on her board.

Based on a true story, Soul Surfer does have a strong inspiration angle; unfortunately, its faith-based narrative is off-putting. I mean, what kind of God would allow a hungry shark to only have a little girl's arm to eat?  0

***For Whom the Seed Bell Tolls***

Paulie

Testing on animals is so stupid. 

How are scientists supposed to know if the product they’re testing causes the growth of rat-tails, bunny ears or, in the case of this family movie, emerald plumage?

Locked in the basement of an animal testing facility, a smart-mouthed parakeet makes friends with the janitor, Misha (Tony Shalhoub), whom he regales with tales of his life, pre-clipped wings. 

In them, Paulie talks of a young girl (Hallie Kate Eisenberg), whom he helped overcome a speech impediment.

He also tells of his additional owners (Jay Mohr, Gena Rowlands, Cheech Marin). All of whom, he shared tender and treacherous adventures with, before ending up behind bars.

Swayed by his sad story, Misha helps Paulie escape.

With great characters, a heartfelt story and the use of real animals, Paulie is a real kid pleaser.

In fact, this movie is way more fun than actually owning a parakeet.

He's a Pet Disowner. He's the...

Vidiot