He’s a Stand-up Comet. He’s the…
Vidiot
Week of August 19, 2011
The Earth is bi-polar. First up…
Paul
To keep illegal aliens from getting into our atmosphere, we need to construct a giant wall around the Earth.
Until then, our planet will continue to be visited by gregarious grey aliens, like the one in this comedy.
On a road trip through the American Southwest, the lives of two fanboys (Simon Pegg, Nick Frost) intersect with an alien escapee from Area 51, Paul (Seth Rogan).
Agreeing to give him a lift, the boys soon find their Fantasy fantasies coming to fruition as Paul’s interstellar insight inspires their struggling comic book.
However, Paul is not without his detractors, namely a special agent (Jason Bateman) and a religious zealot (John Carroll Lynch).
Though imbued with an excess of E.T. references, the weight of this crude salute to sci-fi is counterbalanced by a witty script.
Besides, when it comes to anal probing, is an alien hitchhiker any different than a human hitchhiker? 0
Your Highness
It is a good thing that the Royal Family does not smoke weed. If they did, they’d likely be commissioning an inordinate amount of half-baked commemorative coins.
Unfortunately, the pampered prince in this comedy does partake in pot, and other pleasantries.
When the warrior prince Fabious (James Franco) returns home with the prized Princess Belladonna (Zooey Deschanel) in his arms, his shiftless brother Thadeous (Danny McBride) is jealous.
But when a sorcerer (Justin Theroux) snatches Fabious’ fiancée for one of his sinister schemes, Thadeous must prove his worth to his father by joining his brother’s rescue campaign.
En route, they encounter a number of perils, including a female warrior (Natalie Portman), whom Thadeous takes a shine to.
Touted as a stoner-comedy, Your Highness’ smoke clears pretty quickly, leaving only a vaguely funny, slightly disturbing, Fantasy fetish-film in its stead.
Besides, getting the munchies in medieval times does not sound appetizing. 0
Mars Needs Moms
Apparently, the Red Planet requires irresponsible female teenagers with low self-esteem and no positive male role models in their life.
Oops, my mistake. It appears as though the caregivers that the creatures in this cartoon crave aren’t the current crop of teen moms but a more classic materfamilias archetype.
In dire need of maternal affection to fill their nanny-bots with, the Martians abduct human females and extract their essence.
The next in line to undergo this process is the mother (Joan Cusack) of Milo (Seth Dusky), who has stowed away on the alien spaceship.
Once on Mars, Milo, an alien agitator (Elisabeth Harnois) and a human tech-wizard (Dan Fogler), undertake a mission to rescue her.
Based on the children’s book, this motion capture adaptation elongates the narrative to ridiculous lengths with creepy character designs and dark themes.
Besides, if Martians want to kidnap parents without raising concerns...abduct deadbeat dads. 0
Jumping the Broom
Every culture has its wedding traditions. Jewish couples break the glass; Hindu couples exchange garlands; and rich couples sign prenups.
The wedding tradition in this drama, however, is controversial.
After a humiliating one-nightstand, Sabrina (Paula Patton) vows to not have sex again until she is married.
Accepting that challenge is Jason (Laz Alonso), a cultured, caring guy, who proposes in less than 6-months.
Now, they must make their families see eye-to-eye on cultural issues, including the ceremonially slave custom of jumping over a broom to secretly signify marriage.
Meanwhile, Jason must confront his overbearing mother (Loretta Devine), while Sabrina sorts through the news that her parents (Angela Bassett, Brian Stokes Mitchel) aren’t who they say they are.
Laden with religious dialogue and debates over racial obligations, Jumping the Broom does have its agenda; however, its depiction of in-law fallouts is accurate.
Which is why the ideal wedding is that of two orphans. 0
Something Borrowed
The worst thing about being single is that you don’t have anyone to complain to about being single.
To alleviate this matter, the single girl in this romantic-comedy decides to steal her friend’s fiancé.
On a drunken night out with her old friend Dex (Colin Egglesfield), who's engaged to her best friend (Kate Hudson), Rachel (Ginnifer Goodwin) lets slip that she has always had a crush on him.
With that, she finds herself in a whirlwind affair that must be kept undercover, so as not to disrupt the pending nuptials.
Opposing the tryst from the start is Rachel’s other friend (John Krasinski) who also has a secret crush.
While the leads do a fair job with the material they have, the material in question is malicious and misdirected, with intermittent humour.
However, having sex with your friend’s fiancé is a good way of saving her from contracting any honeymoon herpes. 0
Priest
Come to think of it, priests would make ideal vampire-hunters since they’d have no problem chasing down young, shirtless males who like to suck on things.
Unfortunately, the vampires that the priest in this action movie is stalking aren’t twinks.
Years after the church eradicated all vampires, as well as decommissioned the church-sanctioned vampire-hunters known as Priests, a recent attack points to their return.
Now, a former priest (Paul Bettany) must align himself with a novice sheriff (Cam Gigandet) to retrieve a kidnapped girl.
However, along the way, he must face-off against a former friend (Karl Urban), now working for the bloodsuckers.
Based on a comic book, Priest is an interesting take on the genre: the vampires are grotesque, the action is slick and the story has sufficient twists.
As for the best way to obliterate vampires in one fell swoop: give’em free passes to a holy water-slide. 0
Hoodwinked Too! Hood vs. Evil
The worst thing about a secret agency comprised of fairy tale archetypes is that every mission you send them on has to have a moral to it.
And while there is a dearth of lessons to be had in this animated-comedy, there is a profusion of parable players.
When Granny (Glenn Close) is kidnapped, while on a mission to rescue two missing children, Hansel (Bill Hader) and Gretel (Amy Poehler), her granddaughter Red (Hayden Panettiere), a member of the Happily Forever After Agency, and her partner, The Big Bad Wolf (Patrick Warburton), are assigned to the case.
Meanwhile, an all-powerful truffle recipe has been stolen from the Sisters of the Hood and has fallen into the wrong hands.
A sequel to Hoodwinked, Hood vs. Evil is more of the same folklore-inspired jokes, tinged with modern references, told through crude animation.
Besides, when a senior disappears, it’s usually attributed to dementia. 0
***Bad Reception***
The Wedding Singer
When it comes to booking a band for your wedding reception, it is actually more affordable to hire the one-hit wonders themselves.
And while the wedding singer in this comedy has never had a hit song himself, he does cover them exceptionally well.
After his rock star dreams fizzle, vocalist, Robbie (Adam Sandler), takes a gig as a wedding singer. Unfortunately, his groupie girlfriend doesn’t endorse his decision, so she calls off their wedding.
Devastated, Robbie’s stage presence plummets. To bolster his spirits, a wedding server, Julia (Drew Barrymore), asks him to help plan her wedding.
While he agrees, Robbie later sabotages it, when he falls in love with her.
A retro ode to the unsung hero of the wedding circuit, The Wedding Singer is a silly serenade of saccharine romance and pre-lobotomized Adam Sandler humour.
Alas, like the wedding DJ, wedding singers have been replaced by someone’s iPod shuffle.
He Doesn't Take Requests. He's the...
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