He has a Ribald Spot. He’s the…
Vidiot
Week of November 18, 2010
Don’t believe the hyperbole. First up…
The Last Airbender
Good riddance – the end of Airbenders means the end of rigged kite fighting competitions. At last, those without the power to control the breeze will prevail.
Oops. Pardon my premature celebration, as it appears the Last Airbender means that one still lives…but for how much long?
Katara (Nicola Peltz), and her brother, Sokka (Jackson Rathbone), discover an Airbender, Aang (Noah Ringer), in the ice. Meanwhile, the estranged prince of the Fire Nation (Dev Patel) wishes to possess the element-manipulator for himself, to impress his father.
Elsewhere, the subjugated nations of Air, Earth and Water stage a revolt against their incendiary overlords.
Based on the cartoon series, this live-action version written, produced and director by M. Night Shyamalan is terribly written, produced and directed.
Lackadaisically adhering to the source material, the characters and their ethnicities, The Last Airbender is an egregious display.
What’s worse, if Airbenders go extinct, who will redirect my farts? 0
Lottery Ticket
In addition to millions of dollars, when someone wins the lottery, they also win greedy relatives, continual litigation and multiple lightening strikes.
Fortunately, the lucky ticket-holder in this comedy only has to cope with a vindictive ex-con.
When word gets out that Kevin (Bow Wow) won the $370 million jackpot, his neighbourhood comes a-knocking.
Unable to collect his winnings for 3 days, Kevin must keep the winning ticket away from the perils of spontaneous prosperity, i.e. sexy sycophants, a loan shark (Keith David) and a local thug.
Fortunately, Kevin has an impoverished ex-boxer (Ice Cube) in his corner.
While it attempts to evoke nostalgia for old school neighbourhood-centric comedies, Lottery Ticket is a lousy torchbearer: the casting is second-rate, the characters are typecasts, and the jokes are tired.
And besides, regardless of who claims the winning ticket, in any lottery the manufacturer of the giant novelty cheque is always the winner. 0
Cats and Dogs: The Revenge of Kitty Galore
In combat situations, felines and canines can be indispensable soldiers. Dogs can sniff out the enemy, while cats can live with them until they die of loneliness.
And while the day of a unified household pet front is far, this sequel finds the furry foes working together.
A police dog, Diggs (James Marsden), causes an explosion and is sent to the kennel where he’s recruited by Dogs HQ for a secret assignment that involves tracking down ex-cat agent Kitty Galore (Bette Midler), who’s designed a weapon that will cause dogs to turn on their owners.
But in order to bring her to justice, Diggs must team-up with a feline agent (Christina Applegate).
The unnecessary sequel to Cats & Dogs, The Revenge of Kitty Galore is infested with poor puns and even worse animation.
Besides, if cats and dogs are teaming up to fight a common enemy, shouldn’t that foe be heartworms? 0
The Kids Are All Right
When the sperm bank says the person who received your donation would like to meet, you’d expect to convene with the recipient of a sperm transfusion.
However, the donor in this dramedy is shocked to learn that the beneficiary of his spermatozoon was a lesbian couple.
When Joni (Mia Wasikowska) turns 18-years-old her younger brother Laser (Josh Hutcherson) insists that she contact their biological father.
Put in contact with Paul (Mark Ruffalo), they meet. Later, Joni introduces him to her mothers Jules (Julianne Moore) and Nic (Annette Bening). While Jules welcomes him into their family, Nic considers him a threat.
Heaving with first-rate performances, The Kids Are All Right is a unique film that dissects the modern family, while exploring the part that sexuality plays in parenting.
And though awkward, meeting your donor allows you to see if your short stature is actually a result of their low sperm count. 0
A Christmas Carol
If the stingy skinflint Scrooge was a wet blanket when it came to the 12 days of Christmas, can you imagine how he’d feel about today’s 12 weeks of Christmas?
Fortunately, he doesn’t have to deal with the commercial commandeering of Christmas...only a handful of ghosts.
On Christmas Eve, Scrooge (Jim Carrey) is visited by his deceased business partner Jacob Marley (Gary Oldman), who informs him that three spirits–The Ghost of Christmas Past (Jim Carrey), The Ghost of Christmas Present (Jim Carrey) and the Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come (Jim Carrey)–will visit him before dawn.
With a stringent allegiance to the Dickens classic, the only surprise to be found in this version is in the film’s 3-D animated performance capture method, which is simultaneously exhilarating and eerie.
Unfortunately, the only spirit that will be visiting folks this recession will be the Ghost of Christmas Past Due. 0
***The Muffit Show***
The Muppets Christmas Carol
The best thing about spending the holidays with the Muppets is that when it gets cold you can insulate your house with their felt bodies.
And while the stringent skinflint Ebenezer Scrooge isn’t winter proofing his home with Gonzo, he is starring alongside him in this Muppet version of Charles Dickens’ A Christmas Carol.
On Christmas Eve, Scrooge (Michael Caine) is visited by his deceased business partners Jacob and Robert Marley (Statler and Waldorf)), who inform him that three spirits will visit his bed chamber in an attempt to show him the error of his avarice.
With Kermit the Frog as Bob Cratchit, Miss Piggy his wife, and Robin, their son Tiny Tim, The Muppets Christmas Carol perfectly melds the worlds of Henson and Dickens, with joyous results.
However, I have a hard time believing that Michael Caine didn’t shove his fists into Fozzie and use him as a muff.
He’s the Ghost of Christmas Passed Out. He’s the…
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